Ducking Realitea
Ducking Realitea
Hosted by Siobhan
Casual Conversations About Serious Shit – Wellness, Change, and Joy Through Real Talk.
Welcome to Ducking Realitea, where we embark on a journey to disrupt the norm, spread love, and inspire a healing revolution through the power of soulful conversations.
For me, authentic conversations and sharing personal experiences have always been the most profound way to connect and learn from others. It's the genuine curiosity to understand people and their stories that has led me to meet extraordinary individuals with incredible tales to tell. These stories have unveiled a universal truth: embracing your inner self and living your truth is the surest path to the best possible life.
Through this podcast, I'm on a mission to share these captivating narratives, told with laughter, tears, and deep understanding. My goal is to pass on the knowledge and personal experiences that can empower you to break free from the chains of trauma, finding unapologetic joy and unforgettable moments in your life's journey.
In a world often mired in chaos and conformity, we're here to rebel against adversity and transform life's twists into a heart-opening adventure that's both joyful and harmonious. We'll explore stories that remind us that hitting rock bottom can be devastating, regardless of its height or depth. After all, the worst thing that has ever happened to you is the worst thing that has ever happened. What truly matters is your journey to recovery.
Through our candid conversations about these profound experiences, my aim is to inspire you to heal from your traumas and craft a life filled with more joy and happy moments. We believe that life's challenges will come our way, whether we seek them or not. Instead of dwelling on them, let's be present for the good times and savor them. When adversity does arrive, let's confront it head-on so we can quickly return to the bliss of life.
Consider this podcast a soft place to land and share your own story. Together, we'll help others learn from your experiences because, in my experience, the more personal and vulnerable we are, the deeper our connections with others become.
So, grab your favorite beverage or roll one up, and join us on for a conversation where we're not just sharing stories; we're changing lives. I'm Siobhan, and I can't wait to chat with you!
Remember to look for your joy and you are loved.
Ducking Realitea
Personal and Business growth with Leia
This week I speak to Leia, business coach and badass. Our discussion includes personal and business growth, cultural exchange, women's health, life challenges, and visualization abilities. We share our personal experiences and perspectives, emphasizing the importance of integrating personal and business growth, cultural exchange, and self-advocacy. We also delve into the intricacies of visualization abilities, exploring its role in memory and healing. Through our conversations, we highlight the need for a supportive network and the importance of recognizing and respecting individual autonomy.
So welcome you all to this week's episode of ducking realitea. This week I have a newer friends in that building with us, Lea Mitchell, who is a development coach, was that kind of how you would explain it?
Leia:I would say I'm a yes. I mean, I am a business development coach, but it's my official title that I've recently given myself is a systems integrator, sorry, integrative systems coach leads still no integrative system coach, because I integrate systems into your life to help you be able to be more successful in the things you want to do. And that's it both in personal and your business life. So nice.
Siobhan:Well, I would think that those go hand in hand because you can't be I mean, I guess we all kind of think we're good at it at all. But usually, you are either good with your personal life and your business life is amiss or your business life is good, and your personal life is a mess. Yeah,
Leia:I tend to find you can't be an entrepreneur or even an executive, you can be an intrapreneur without facing yourself, so it's really, really difficult to have it all together at all times. So, yes, and the more that you can have systems that support you, the more likely you are to be successful, than if you're just kind of chasing your tail and, and trying to do everything. Without a systematic approach. I don't know, that's just been my, my experience.
Siobhan:And so we're gonna get into that, but like, give us a little bit of who you are, where you come from how you got into this? Oh, my.
Leia:This is like that question when you when you go to interview, and they ask you tell me a little bit about yourself. And then I'm always like, my name is
Siobhan:I think in that happens all like in every situation someone's like, so what like what are your hobbies and your hobbies. It's like being put on the spot.
Leia:So how I got into it is that I was looking for some advancement in a full time job and decided that if I wasn't going to get it there, I would create it for myself. And so I've a little bit about the approaches that I have married the idea of life coaching, with, with the operations part of business, and putting those two things together helps us to work through the things that help people. I mean, that block people from being able to be where they want to be, as well as how are you showing up in your business in terms of how you are structuring the operational part. And we we marry those two things together. So I think I've been a life coach probably my whole life, whether I was certified or not. I distinctly remember one time I was on a plane, I was 12 years old, and this woman was telling me her whole life story. And we got off the plane. My mom was like, she really just talking to you the whole flight. And I was like, yeah, she was telling me all these things about her life. It was very weird that this random woman was telling me, but I think I just have that. That vibe, people want to tell me about what's going on in their life. And so I, I have used that as part of the way that I connect with people. And then I decided in, in 2020, you know, everybody's life kind of came to a halt, I was like, I'm gonna go ahead and get certified in this as something to do during all this downtime. And then I launched my business from there.
Siobhan:That's a great use of COVID time.
Leia:I was like, I'm gonna learn. What else can I do? You know, besides learning and delivering groceries, as we know, it was like when I need to get out of the house, I can say yes, your question, sorry. So that's how the business was born. On a personal level, I am a transplant to the Bay Area. I came here about 13, maybe 13 years in August. Prior to that, I have a military background. I grew up overseas. My father worked for General Electric, and we moved when I was six, and we came back when I was 17. So I've had a number of different experiences with different cultures and, and people and that's kind of why the Bay Area was so attractive to me. I really like being around people of varying ways of living like it just excites me to know about Yeah, different ways that people live like it keeps life interesting to me. Which is why I had to leave Alabama because no offense to anybody living in Alabama, but there is kind of like this. I don't know if homogenous is the right word, but it's that's people live very similarly. It feels like or at least it felt like at that time, and I needed to be somewhere where there was there was more plus the water. Being close to water is very, very important to me. So, anything else,
Siobhan:the bay is pretty like diverse in that way. It's like I have not met as many people who live. Like, what most people would probably call it an alternative lifestyle. And not just like dating wise, because that's huge. But like in the way that they operate in the world, like, it's just a different vibe out here. And there's more of an acceptance of like, oh, that person does like 16 jobs. And this person works one job like 100 hours a week. And then these people are like making butterflies and somehow surviving. And you're like, it's like that HGTV commercial or the memes that like, Bob and Jill want to buy a house. She makes macaroni jewelry. And he's like a farmer. And they're buying a million dollar house. And you're like, I don't understand. But it works. Yeah. So when did you? What part of overseas Did you grew up in? Like?
Leia:So we started in Tunisia, and then we move to Saudi Arabia. And then I went to high school in Greece for the last three years of my high school experience. But that's amazing. Yeah, it was really interesting. Very, very different. I mean, that my one regret is that I didn't learn any language fully. So if you were going to ask that question, let me just answer it now. Because it always comes up a little bit of shame of embarrassment, I'm like, I did not I learned some Greek when I was living there, because I was really immersed in the culture. And in Tunisia, if we had stayed long enough, I would have learned both French and Arabic, because it was, that's those are the two main languages, and we're definitely living amongst the people. Right. But then in Saudi, we were on a compound. And so there was really like, our own world, within the world of living in Saudi, so there was no need to learn Arabic in order to survive.
Siobhan:But that's still those are. And I wonder if that gives you like different insights into how people operate to Oh, so you got to see like, you know, from till age six, a kind of the American lifestyle, and then you go over, and then you learn all these different kinds of cultures and ways has to influence the way that you see like the world for one, but like, also how people operate? Yeah,
Leia:definitely everyone. I would say in Tunisia, that I was really, really young. So it's really hard to know about. But the one thing that I felt the most was that there was a lot of freedom to kind of just be and to move about. The culture was so laid back from what I remember of my experience, because it's not, I don't have a ton of memories goes from six to eight. But there was a lot of just, we went to the beach a lot, we we walked around, I know that it's grown a lot. And it's changed that I have some friends that are teachers there. And it looks very different now. And so it's, I don't know what the experience would be like today. But at that time, it was just a very laid back experience. And then in Saudi, what was interesting is that I wasn't so much interacting with the Saudi people, but our school was an international school. So it was filled with people from all over the world. And that was, that gave me a lot of insight. And we had to learn how to be together, how to have different religions, different cultures, different, just different ways of experiencing life. And to accept that and to be really that's sort of looking for really aware of our own behavior in terms of how we might be treating someone else. And some people got it, some people didn't, of course, the longer you're there, the longer the the more you can develop that awareness, especially as a child, right? Like you're living in your home, which has one culture, right. And then you're going out to school where you're everyone has different cultures. The teachers were primarily American, because it was it was an international school, but it was, I think, it was called Saudi American International School. So it was very American based, as far as the curriculum goes, and the teachers were recruited mostly from the United States. So it did give this very windy, melting pot kind of experience to how and I was there for from the fifth grade through the ninth grade, full time. And then I went to boarding school in Greece, I was back and forth between Greece and Saudi, because they only let you go up to the ninth grade at that time. They were modeling an old Californian curriculum where the ninth grade was the last of middle school. Okay. And then from there, they didn't want the cultures Miss mixing because we have too many. What Western teenagers, you're likely going to have an influx of behavior that wasn't going to be acceptable, you know, people trying to date. Oh, yeah, you know, there were no movie theaters. There's nothing like that. There was a lot of there was always if you went to a restaurant, there would be the single section that was just for men. And then it was the family section. And that was for women, or women with children. And then families of course, all together could go in there.
Siobhan:Right. But wow, they kept it single men were separated From the rest of kind of society, yes. That's kind of nice. It
Leia:was kind of nice. I mean, it was always people are like, Well what was that like? And I'm like it was probably the safest I've ever felt in my life. We would get like a driver to take us to the souks and go shopping or get in a cab same thing and there was a lot of it felt very safe because they weren't going to mess with any of the Western kids people whatever there was I don't know how they're doing this now but at that time there was still a where they did public public what do you call it? What punishment Oh say oh, you
Siobhan:know, like corporal punishment is I would Yeah, yes. Oh wow.
Leia:And honestly because I never witnessed it and I never was down there on the days where this took place because the rumor was that if you if you went down there during that time they pulled people in to have you see it but everyone everyone that I grew up with we all remember the same thing that that was the that right? And I don't know if they're still doing that I imagine not because now they've opened it up to tourism and all of that but so people were on their best behavior like the fear of hurting someone and doing something that is going to get you in who wants that right so it was very safe like we could we could go out and be amongst the people we're supposed to cover up after a certain age or whatever I used to I was a little bit of a rebel so I wear my brother's oversized like flannels because it was the 90s and the flannels were, were the thing and I wore jinko pants, so I'm like you can't see anything right on my body. So I would mostly do that sometimes I would wear the bio depending on you know, like winter time, if I want it to be you know, a little bit warmer or whatever but in a bio for those who are listening to cover from the from the neck down, okay, and it would tie or you could button there are different styles. So it depends on how stylish you want it to be. But it would cover it's what you what you see in the traditional Islamic dress where women are covered from head to toe only without the headdress Okay
Siobhan:Did you ever have to wear the headdress? No, I
Leia:never had to they ask that you do. I was I was a bit of a rebel but my mom she did cover her head not her face but she did cover her head just because she didn't want any any Asian I'm gonna call them the religious police they're not like official but they they like to come by they usually were the phobe is the white. You've seen men in the traditional dress that has the white long sleeve, usually down to the ankles. They were were a shorter one that showed their ankles. I don't know what why that was important part of this. But they usually had some form of cane or stick and if your your ankles were showing, and if you're if they felt like you weren't, they would come by and like tap people on that or say something like to my dad, I think my mom doing something one time, she may not have had a headdress on because she didn't always wear it when we first moved there. And so there was something about the way she was dressed. And they came up to say something but they didn't tap her on her ankles because she's an American and so on but but they did talk to him about about whatever it was that she needed to do. But yeah, they, they would come around to different people. I think with my brother one time I was you know, obviously not wearing the Avaya but I was dressed in something. And my brother is almost six, three. So he tended to be taller than the majority of the people there. And so, you know, it was more of an ask like she should be wearing something different. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Okay. I mean, we were teenagers. So clearly, we thought we knew something. But I mean, I wasn't dressed disrespectfully. I just,
Siobhan:they wanted you to be more respectful. Yeah.
Leia:I think I probably would do it differently today. But you know, as a kid you're trying to also, yeah, as
Siobhan:a kid, you're trying to learn your boundaries and brush them a little bit and see what you can get away with and what you can't and how that feels. So I totally understand that. I would probably have been a terrible time there. I went to Catholic high school and I got yelled at all the time for like rolling my skirt or my shoes were too big or the way I walked or whatever. So I was always just like, well, let's fight ladies.
Leia:I mean, there were a lot of limitations like we in school can wear shorts.
Siobhan:And it's super hot there, isn't it? Yes.
Leia:So as an adult, though, it's taken me forever to get to a place where I still don't really wear shorts because for so many years I wasn't able to and even though I went to high school in Greece, I was already conditioned For the years that I lived in Saudi to not really wear shorts, pretty strict dress code at school because they didn't want even though we were in an enclosed space, it just wasn't right,
Siobhan:because it's, even though it's like an American school, it's still got that Saudi culture kind of slant to it. So they still want to kind of. And you. Also you have to know those rules. So when you're off the compound, it makes sense. But yeah, it must be kind of stifling as a kid.
Leia:Yeah. But oddly on our actual compound where we lived, you can be dressed, however you however you wanted, there was a swimming pool, there was, you know, we had all of the things that would make it feel like you were in this free space, right? My mom could drive on the compound, but she couldn't drive out in the world. That was the only time during the year that she could move, but there was really no need to have everything was walking or biking distance. So driving a car didn't make any sense. For the most part, I think, periodically, she would drive the car just so she didn't lose because we, we would stay all year, and then we'd come back for proximately 30 days, we'd come back on vacation, visit my grandparents. And then my dad would always be go to Ohio, and he would take a meeting there. We'd extend the vacation a little bit because he would be working so yeah, so she didn't get an opportunity to drive. And then she'd come back. And I remember she would be so nervous every time she got behind the wheel. And I didn't understand it. Then I'm like, What is she nervous about? Like I?
Siobhan:Yeah, but if you don't lose it, or you don't use it, you lose it? Yeah, I would get that my brother went to. He was in the military. And he went to Iraq for a couple years. And the first time he came home, I picked him up from the airport, we were surprising my parents that he'd come home for a visit. And I was like, Hey, do you want to drive because I had his car? And he was like, Fuck, no. Like, I've been in a foreign country for the last seven months. Like, he's like, when people drive up to us. Like, it's like, are they gonna blow us up? And like, we're driving. He kept like, everyone smile. And I was like, Oh, I'm like you are super jumpy. And he's like, I boom. All right, I gotta relax, bro. You're home.
Leia:That's intense. Yeah, like he's super
Siobhan:jumpy when he first came home. And eventually, you know, he worked through that, but, and I was just like, oh, yeah, it's not a thought. Like, I was just like, Oh, you're home and he was just like, far more like, Give me a minute.
Leia:It's like there's an adjustment here. Yeah. All right. All right.
Siobhan:It was also like 20 to get in the car. Go Surprise mom.
Leia:So interesting. Our awareness and how it changes when you look back on yourself as like, a younger adult and thinking that you at that time. I'm sure you thought you had had it all figured out. Oh, yeah, it
Siobhan:was 22. I knew everything. People should totally have been listening to me.
Leia:You look back and you're like, Whoa,
Siobhan:I was an idiot. Dude, you should not have been talking to me about go to a professional. Okay. But it's yeah. It's one of those things that like when you see someone that you've grown up with, like to know that now he was this like, man who did all of these things and had saved lives and had like, done things like, No, you're still my brother was a dork and doesn't know how to clean the bathroom like oh, no, he's kind of a superhero. Okay, now, I'm like, oh, that's just gonna go right to his head.
Leia:I have to live with that. Like,
Siobhan:you guys don't know what it used to be like. But then you go up and realize like, oh my god, that was terrible time for him. And like, right, couldn't use a little more love. But sorry. Also, I was there. So I did. I kept it real for you. So what was boarding school like in Korea? Well, boarding school to me has always been like a fascination. To me, it always feels like something either really, really rich kids did, or basically only rich kids did or unless you were like, a terrible kid and went to like a military like kind of boarding school. And those were the only two options in my brain. That
Leia:is funny and also very common. Like that's that's the reaction of people. So wasn't because I was bad, although, you know, maybe, no, because we just couldn't go to school any further. So my parents had to make a decision like either we leave Saudi Arabia, right, which comes with its own perks. There's like extra money, all the different things that you get from being there. Or we send our kids to boarding school like these are, these are the choices right? And some people but it was a rare occurrence but to send somebody back to family members, wherever they were from and go to school while living with a family member. That's a lot to put on your family. I asked them to take my Get for the next three years. Finish raising. So boarding school for me was very different. I'll just give an example because my sister is the easiest one. So when we first moved to Saudi she, she went to boarding school and she went in Switzerland. And her school was a true boarding school. So it's what you would see on TV. So it was like, you know, she had the dorms and then there was the school and they had a few days students that went to school there, but for the most part, everyone was living there living there. Yeah, mine was the opposite. Okay, so we lived in a seaside hotel, very old. Think, think whatever movie you can think of that has like a either Italian or Greek hotels that are by the seaside that are super old. So it was like, nothing special.
Siobhan:It was like a motel with a beautiful view.
Leia:Pretty much yeah. rickety old elevators that we used to get stuck in on a regular basis. It made me hate elevators. And we had rented out our school rented out the first and the second and third floor of the of the hotel. For the students. I think at our peak, there was a total of 12 of us, maybe 13. And that was my first year. Then the second year we dwindled down to avow, I want to say eight. And then the third year, they decided to close the boarding. So this is my senior year, they decided to close the boarding unit. And so we the options were to either leave school or to find an adult proxy, who could live with us and the school was very, they're great about helping us find so once we found this lady, and that's a whole other story we can get into.
Siobhan:Like, I was just gonna say, Mrs. Roper, but that was not her name. I was thinking of
Leia:the fax lines. Yeah, it wasn't.
Siobhan:No, there wasn't a Mrs. Real breathing just from Three's Company. Oh, right. All right.
Leia:Um, so it was it was very interesting. So living in a hotel, we didn't have a lot of oversight. There were there were teachers that live there with us that were supposed to be watching. And they they did their job as much as they could do their job, which is to combine, make sure we had like specific study hours after dinner. We were in and out of each other's rooms, supposedly studying together and all that good stuff. Because there's so few of us. And we were such a tight crew, because it's hard not to be there. Even people you didn't like they became like siblings very quickly, because we're all just living together. And if he had nothing to do on the weekend, then you're stuck with each other. Right. And we lived about 45 minutes outside of Athens. So going into town on the weekends, like getting back home was the hard part we could there was a bus that ran regularly up until a certain point, and then getting back home. A lot of times the cabs didn't want to go all the way Oh, yes. And then it was double tariffs. So they were charging us more. There's a whole thing. So a lot of the times we would try to find a friend that we could check out to and stay at their house for the weekend. But when you didn't have that, and your second, whoever was there with you was who was there with you and that that's gonna be your friend for the weekend. So we had one room that we use this like a TV room where there was just like sofas and stuff that were set up for us and we could watch whatever it was on VHS, so right, and we'd have to go like this little movie store that was in the town over and pick out the movies, whatever. And then that was all that was all paid for by the dorm. It was cold most of the time for the beaches. And the beaches were very rocky in the area that we were. And it was funny because so we only rented out the the second and third floor the rest of the hotel, which I don't remember how many floors there were was still available. So during a certain season, when it was still cold, like the early spring, it was still cold to us. Like we're not getting water, we're not getting in the pool, we're not doing any of those things, right. They would always be Russian people that would come trying to get a break from how cold it was where they were. And they would fill the hotel all of a sudden we'd have all of these people there with us. And they would be outside swimming, and they'd be doing all this and we're like these kids that live there and like the dining area was printed out to us during certain times they would come by it was very strange experience to see these people and they're staring at us like what is going on here? We're looking at them like we live here. Right?
Siobhan:So it's wild, and to only have like a dozen kids that you going to school with.
Leia:Yeah. Well living with and then we were living with Yeah, the school had far more people at the school at that point because the military had withdrawn from Greece. I don't know how many years before I got there. But our Military, the United States didn't have any. There was no bass, there was no nothing there, which was the purpose of the school existing. So it was primarily filled with Greek students. And it was from K through nose pre K through 12th grade, wow, the entire school. And it was. So it's pretty good. I think about 1200 students from pre K through 12th grade. So it was very small as well. Everybody knew everybody, our friend groups, my brother's 18 months older than me. So we were in a different grade until he messed up. And so then we ended up in the same grade. And, and so all of our fingers, you know, was the same because it was just such a tiny school and everyone. I mean, we knew the kids in the middle school who we wouldn't normally have known in regular life, right, because their school, their primary building sat right next to ours, and there was like a little space in between it, everyone. commingled, yeah, I
Siobhan:knew everyone. Wow. Yeah, in my brain, you're on like this beautiful coast and it's warm all the time. And you're swimming and eating meat. Like that's just when I hear grease in boarding school. It's just, it's like not Harry Potter, but like close.
Leia:Yeah, no, we definitely weren't swimming all the time. But we did do things which, you know, I think was cool. Like the, the seniors skip days. All the seniors would go to an island, right? They pick like, the spaces they wanted to go to, and whatever. And of course, because I was in the dorm with seniors, I'm like, of course, I'm taking senior skip days. And I'm a sophomore, so
Siobhan:I'm not gonna miss that trip to the island. Every year,
Leia:I took the senior skip days, even though I was not supposed to. But, you know, like I said, they had as much oversight as they could have. And they didn't really push. Which was very interesting, very lenient. Like, yeah, senior skip days. I'm going, because so and so I was going so. So that was, that was one thing. But yeah, you could go to the islands, like anytime. And then when I got my permit, which I thought was very cool. I couldn't get a moped because they didn't know it wasn't a license. And so Oh, wow. So I could rent a moped, which was what all of us American, because you can't get a license until you're 19, I believe, increase. So none of the Greek students could do that. But all of the American students who had at least a permit could get oh,
Siobhan:wow, that's really funny. And opens up a whole new world of freedom for you. Yeah. Oh, that must be. I mean, that's an amazing thing to have been able to experience.
Leia:It was yes. And it feels like such a lifetime ago. I haven't been back since I left 20 something years ago, so feels like a lifetime ago. But then sometimes, like talking about it. Now. I'm like, oh, yeah, all of the things that we did, it was quite an experience. But it really, I think gave me different, just a different perspective on what life can look like and feel like and that that's why like when I talk about the closeness of Alabama, why the Bay Area appeals so much, because I think there's like a lot of that here. So like, giving my child the opportunity to take Bart. That was cool. Like, you get some freedom because I took the train, I took buses, I took cabs, and I went around, and I had my own life, because my parents weren't there to drive me around. But even if they had been it was set up for, for us to be able to have a lot of autonomy, right? And all the other kids were the same. Those that live there, who weren't a part of the boarding unit also did the same. Like we'd be like, Hey, we're going to meet here, and we would just meet, go and meet there, right? We didn't have to get parents to drop us off. And all of that, like the freedom to move about existed because there was some infrastructure for that.
Siobhan:Yeah, that's a great point, which I was just thinking like, yeah, there's i from I've only driven through Alabama. So I don't have a ton of experience. But I don't imagine there's a huge, like, public transit system there. Or especially back in the 90s. Maybe now that more but back in the 90s I imagine they didn't have any it's because it's farms and yeah, like really rural, right, really
Leia:rural and even in the the like in Birmingham and the bus systems are not great. So like where where I lived, which is in pratfall, which is right near right near Montgomery, like maybe 15 minutes or less, depending on traffic. There wasn't a great bus system and and they were just trying to get one up and running when I left. But still, it didn't. And I'm not sure if they changed it since. But a few years ago, it didn't have nighttime it didn't run at night. Oh, so people couldn't really use it for going to work because unless you work the day shift. You have no way home. So the public transit system just doesn't really exist. There is no train system that takes you from place to place. And no bus system is everyone needs to have a car in order to have that or they need to have someone who will take them around. There's not even a great like cab system to be honest, like net there's nothing Unless you are independent, and that makes life a little bit more difficult, there's no bike lanes. I know they were working on when the last time I was there, which was 2019. So. So biking isn't a thing, and I can imagine that it would cause a lot of frustration initially. I mean, if there's frustration here with bikers, and it's been around forever, there's gonna be a lot of frustration there as people try to integrate that and make that like, Yeah,
Siobhan:well, also, because it takes up a whole lane of traffic, basically. And then it's like, okay, well, we already have terrible traffic, now, you're gonna put it in bike lane, which is not a lot of people use. I mean, around here, there's a lot, but even around here, it's not. It's not inundated with bikes, you're like, so now you're just gonna make traffic worse, with one lane of traffic going each way. So you can have a bike lane that almost no one user, right, so I get the frustration I wish more people use bike lanes, but also I sometimes two miles to work, because I'm, I have a bike. Well, I also leave work late at night. So yeah, that but that's in the fact that you're kind of oversight at that. Boarding School is kind of lackadaisical gave you the opportunity to like, learn and how to manage that being able to skip school, but knowing that you still have to get your shit done, or like being able to go and travel on your own is, that's a huge kind of life lesson to be able to in a huge confidence builder, I would imagine, yeah, that age,
Leia:gave us a lot of an it gave us a lot of confidence in our ability to be independent and to make decisions and to also own your decisions, right? Like the knowing that I've got stuff to do. And if I don't do it before, before I go to the skip days, or if I don't do it when I get back, or what is the deadline for that, right? And then if that means I'm gonna get an F on something that I didn't turn in, I'm making that decision. And I know that right? And there's no one there to say, Hey, did you do your homework? So I learned a lot about myself my ability to succeed, how to deal with failure, because there was there was a lot of that. There was there was a lot of a lot of failure, a lot of Oh, no. And then I wasn't great at advocating for myself. So even asking at that time to say, hey, you know, I went to this thing, can I turn it in? Later, I would be waiting for teachers to tell me like, Hey, you didn't turn this in? Will you? Are you planning to turn it in or it's too late, I'm not going to accept this. I was waiting for it to come from someone else. And so when it didn't come from someone else that I had to just take the loss because I didn't know how to open up my mouth, which was something I started to learn about myself. after the fact when I because I like to do a lot of reflection that started very young. I'm like, Oh, this is an area I have to work on.
Siobhan:How do you think that started for you? Because I think some people don't ever get into that
Leia:the self reflection. Yeah. If I'm being honest, came from being punished all the time as a kid. I was not a bad kid. So my dad was very punishment happy he will say he he had us a very, not so great punishment system, which was to ground us for 30 days in our room with no no real contact other than to go to school. We couldn't hang out with a family except for to eat meals. You put you in solitary pretty much it was like a prison. So spending all of that time alone. There's not a whole lot you can do. There was no phones. We weren't on social media. There wasn't there was no, there was no social media, right? Like, like, there's no contact, there's no the internet wasn't a thing I had, I had a computer that had a word processor on it. Microsoft Works for those of you who know what that is, I would make mine highlight everything in blue, because that was about the coolest thing that you could do on it. And I kept a journal on that that computer. And I did a lot of typing. I'm I sing and so I naturally like to write that as a part of my nature is wanting to write songs are an expression of my soul myself. I was really young, so I wasn't really writing songs that made any I'm not gonna say they didn't make any sense. They just weren't a coherent song was nothing you'd hear on a radio and writer but I was making my attempts. But then I'd also just journal about like, what my feelings were and, and all of that. And so I went very quickly into I think it's an innate part of who I am. But I had an opportunity, a unique opportunity to really explore it by being stuck in my room for 30 days. I couldn't even hang out with my brother like the only time we'd be like, if let's just say it was a weekday and my dad happened to not be home for some reason, which he didn't have friends So he didn't leave the house, he went to work, and he came home and then he was home. And that was like that mirrored our school hours. So it wasn't like, we got a lot of breaks from him unless he happened to have some type of like, meeting at night or something of that nature, which was rare. Or if he took a business trip, and that was also rare. But when he did, he was gone. For some time. It wasn't like, he took a business trip for a day, he was gone for like a week, like, because we would get freedom then. And I can say this now, because my parents aren't together anymore. My mom, who didn't always agree with his punishment would be like, Hey, you got this week, like,
Unknown:take advantage of it because she'd be like, go wild.
Leia:Because if not, you're going to get when he comes back, you know where you are, you're back in your room. And my my sister was also really great. Because she's seven years older than me. She likes to say six and a half. She she was away at boarding school. So when she'd come home, if we were on, if we were grounded, she would advocate for us to be out because then she'd play the sentimental card. She'd be like, I don't get to see them. That that like and then he would because you know, she's only visiting for spring break or for Christmas like. So we get what he would call a reprieve while she wasn't home to so she could spend time with us. But yeah, so that's where that came from, is constantly having a lot of alone time.
Siobhan:Is he still kind of a solitary guy? Because it sounds like he was kind of not social and Oh, my dad. Yeah,
Leia:I don't know. You know, he, he divorced us. When I was I think 24 Yeah, I want to say around 24. That's a whole story. I've got a lot of long stories in my life. But um, yeah, he left. And so I don't really know how he's living his life these days. I don't imagine he's much different than he was he does have a girlfriend or something of I don't know what they call themselves. I don't think they're legally married. And, but one of the things that he would do, because he wanted to isolate from us as well, even when, when we weren't, we weren't being punished, right? If we weren't grounded, and we were in the house, he would isolate by putting a magazine up to his face, and to make sure that he was unavailable. And if we interrupted him, he'd be like, I'm reading. Yeah. Okay. So,
Siobhan:definitely a family man.
Leia:One of the best, I always say he was he was an absentee father in the home, because he was there physically, but emotionally and mentally he was not there. And he provided financially, which, for all of the bad things I can say, it gave us a very unique upbringing that, you know, I wouldn't, I wouldn't trade that part of it for anything, because I think growing up overseas just really gave me a totally different perspective. And I don't know who I would be if I hadn't experienced that.
Siobhan:You might not have ever learned how to speak up for yourself, or to know that you can create something all on your own. Yeah. Like it because that's going to be a powerful, because one of the questions I want to ask you is like, how did you decide to start your own business because it's such a scary decision to make. And it's, you know, people get into these jobs, and they hate their jobs, but they stay in them forever. Because it's like the comfort of having it in the comfort of the paycheck. And when you start your own thing, it's like, oh, shit, I have no comfort. I don't you know, even if you're really good, and you've done a lot of education and things it's still like, What a fuck my deal. There's still a you know, like, what has been a call it the fucking first time? Yeah, like, it's still scary and awful. And it comes with all of that anxiety on top of the starting something new,
Leia:I think starting a business, well, one thing my dad was really, really big on personal development stuff. So he read a lot of personal development things. And then that's what we got to talk about. Because when he wanted to talk, these are the types of conversations that we'd have. So
Siobhan:he read it, but didn't implement any of them. Absolutely.
Leia:He was he was great, forgiving. Enough, he really thought he was living these things, and maybe in some some areas of his life, because I don't know, he knows a whole human being I have no idea what he was doing outside of our relationship. But yeah, he was reading it and able to give it back to us, which of course programs us from a very young age to believe that we can do anything and that mindset is something that you can develop and cultivate and that so again, when you ask that question before about where did it come from? It was the time alone. But also, as I'm saying this, I'm realizing him giving us like these nuggets of information about how to how to get your mind ready for whatever challenges that come up all the personal development stuff that he spouted to us. Probably informed a lot of like the journaling that I did and how I wanted to handle certain situations. So starting my own business, he also always talked about, like not being an employee. He was huge on he wanted to have his own business. And so each one of his kids has at some point had an entrepreneurial
Siobhan:endeavor. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.
Leia:I think because he talked about it so much, and how important it was that you create your own thing, either alongside what you're already doing, or as a full time entrepreneur, so he definitely was a huge influence there. But I always like to give him credit where I can, because I can also tell you all the horror stories. But, um, so that was, that was part of the influence. And the motivation to do it is that, you know, I, I was one of those people who sat around not liking my job, not liking a lot of the aspects of my job and the bureaucracy that comes with working for other people and organizations that have certain rules or culture, that should probably shift, but You alone are not going to be the one person who makes that culture shift. And so if you're not getting what you want, in my mind, it's how do you create what you want, if I can't get the income that I need, I can either go work for someone else as a second job, right? Or I can figure out how to make it on my own. So at least I can make it on my terms. And, and create a schedule that doesn't bog me down and make me feel overwhelmed. I used to work 60 to 65 hours a week trying to work two jobs, while I was starting up this this business. And so that was a good indicator that I was, you know, swinging too far to one side, overwhelming myself with, with work and not feeling like I was valuable outside of what I could produce. And so, you know, I had to swing it back the other way. But having my own business does give me that autonomy, and which I think has been kind of a theme as we were talking like autonomy, a part of what my life story is. And I think that that also is a huge part of why I would want to have my own businesses that I do like that feeling of autonomy, making my own decisions. And it's also a creative endeavor to own your own business. Like there's a lot of creativity that goes into how you structure it. What pieces so for me, like bringing over what pieces of the work that I know how to do that I've been doing for a long time do I want to bring into this? And what pieces are like, I don't like it, or I don't think it's one of my strong suits. Like just because I can do it. Is it something I should be doing? Is it something I want to you know, put on the backburner and eventually bring somebody in who is good at that and actually loves it. And so there's a lot of a lot of pieces that you can put together. And I like that too. I like problem solving. So it's a creative endeavor of like this puzzle and trying to put it together in a way that feels good to you. Nice.
Siobhan:Yeah. I imagine like some of your like drive for autonomy is also that you had so much freedom at a young age like to be in boarding school, and to be able to like traveling, take those days off and learn your lessons kind of maybe the hard way, but like, but like so it gives you like that confidence and the drive to be able to be like, well, I can do this because I've done it and like you have all of the data to back it up. Yeah. But I do find it funny that you came like with your dad, you were in such like a kind of militaristic, like dictatorship. And then you got all this freedom. And then when did you go into the military, because like, that seems like a really left turn from where you were probably headed.
Leia:I went to the military when I was 18. I graduated when I was 17. And then I was going to the University of Alabama, which as we have heard, I'm not a huge fan of Alabama, right. And so when I got there, it was a culture shock from everything that I had known. And I probably should have taken a year off. That was not an option. My dad was like you either go to school or you you get a job, but it wasn't get a job and you live at home it was you get a job and you get out. So it's like school done, right. So in that environment, I was not thriving. I was drinking all the time. I stopped going to class I had classes but I was not going to them. Because none of it felt right to me like I should have had some time to acclimate to I'm in a new place. There's a whole element of of race for me because I grew up as one of the few black American kids in a school and I was so used to having people of varying backgrounds. And then I came to a place where I was supposed to choose. It was not very comfortable for me because Like, I don't doesn't know how I live my life at all, like I just do we vibe do we make sense? Like, is this a relationship that I want to cultivate? Because there's something about you? And that wasn't that wasn't really an option. And so when
Siobhan:you came back to Alabama, and was it was it was more of a divide between white and black. And yeah, we're overseas it was because it was so diverse. It wasn't really a problem. Or
Leia:it couldn't be it was really, it was really hard for it to be I mean, even though I was one, a black, one of three, three to five, given any given experience black students. That didn't mean everybody else was white, though. Right? Right. So that was the other part of it, except for in, in, in Greece, where the majority of the students were white. It just wasn't an issue. Like if I was going to not associate with the white students would have been me, my brother just nobody wants that.
Siobhan:But it's nice to know or like for it's nice to hear that when you were in Greece, and even if it was mostly like white Greek kids, that there wasn't still that feeling that you would get here in America?
Leia:Oh, yeah. No, like it was that Oh, acceptance. There. I mean, just wasn't even an issue wasn't even a topic of conversation. I'd say 99% of the time, every now and then, there were discussions that came up either because of something that we were studying in school, or there's just questions like, because maybe they've never really been exposed to black people before. And so they had some questions. And I was always like, you know, used to being the minority. So whatever questions you have, if I can help you to have understanding, I would rather it come from me where I'm like, a safe space for you to ask this question, then for it to be where we don't talk about it. And it's this thing that's lingering inside of you, and then you go get your information from some over the place, especially. I mean, at that time, you weren't going to have a plethora of, you know, options, options for getting that information. But like, I can imagine that in today's world, like I would even more so be like, No, ask an actual person, because you get on the internet, you don't know what you're going to find.
Siobhan:Especially I would I can imagine that it's coming from a place of curiosity and not judgment to at that point, which makes it easier when they ask a question in maybe not a delicate way where you're like, but it's also you know, the intention behind it probably helps to have that as a nicer feeling. Yeah,
Leia:definitely. And I think that most people, even even when they're not delicate in their delivery, I think most people are just curious. And I know that there's, there's a narrative that says that I shouldn't have to teach you. You should go seek out your own information. But where are you going to get it from? Like, what is this information? You know, like, I feel like to some degree, if you are comfortable being that teacher, that it's okay to be the teacher when someone when you have a difference that someone is curious about because that's how you help them to understand it also is, you know, for me anyway, it's empathy, right? Like, I'm, I'm understanding that you're in a place of curiosity, and that I'm right in front of your face. So ask your question, like, I'm
Siobhan:sorry, she's gonna say so. But I also would imagine like, if you're friends, too, it's easier. Like if some stranger on the streets asking you some questions, like, go fuck yourself. Like, if it's someone that you're friends with? Like, I feel like that's kind of a different energy about yourself. Like, I can imagine that some of it to like, yeah, definitely, it's not your job to teach a stranger but your job to guide a friend is
Leia:no connection. Yeah, like we should be able to. I mean, we talk about anything else. Like, why why is this going to be off the table? If you're truly going to know me if you're truly, you know? Yeah, I think that it should be an open, open book to the degree that I'm comfortable, right. So if it was uncomfortable, I could say, hey, you know what, I'd rather not talk about that. Go
Siobhan:ask you guys, my brother. Who might say? His whole Yeah, well, I'm sure if he's what six three? You said I was short, like, because he was so tall. Everybody is always like, how tall are you? How tall? You are? Got a measuring tape? I don't know. And so you went to you're in Alabama, and you were not thriving. Right? And so then you decided to go into the military?
Leia:Well, they came and set up one day. And I was debating leaving school because I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing well. I'm not myself, right. The amount of alcohol that I was consuming was well beyond what I and I had been exposed to alcohol. I went to boarding school when I was 14, and there's no drinking age in Greece. So alcohol was not a big deal. But I was treating alcohol like it was a big deal along with my peers who it was a big deal for them because they're like, Oh, we finally got some freedom and alcohol is flowing our way. But it really wasn't a big deal for me. So I was like, I gotta I gotta do something about this, but I don't know what to Do because if I leave school, this was the rule, right? Because I've got this very interesting father, who says, I'm paying for school. As long as you have declared a major that I'm okay with which that was also part of the issue is that I didn't want to declare major because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I wanted to do music. He said, That's not a career. And I said, Okay, well, I don't know. So I just chose marketing, which was, I didn't even know what I was choosing, I was choosing something that he would say was acceptable, because he always wanted to work in the marketing department. So and then, you know, I'm, culturally, it's just not meshing for me. And so then I was like, Okay. What am I going to do to leave here in a way that is going to be, I've got no real work experience. You know, I've worked at summer camps and stuff like that. But I'm like, I'm 18. Like, I don't know how to be on my own own. Right? Like, yeah, I knew I'd be on my own, there was certain structure to having the boarding unit that I lived in. And then when we lived in the apartment, the last year that I was in Greece, with this woman, like there was, there was some structure. So I was like, military, they'll give me structure, and money. And I can clean up my act, because they're gonna make sure that I clean up my act, at least during the training part, right. So I initially had joined as a reservist. And then as I was doing basic training, I was like, No, I definitely do this full time. So then, as soon as training was over, they take up a couple of months to switch you over. And so I went home, I worked as a security guard for a short period of time, and then and then I was full time in the military. So it was because I didn't, I didn't know what else to do. So yeah, it seems like a weird, like going from being autonomous to.
Siobhan:But your explanation of it makes perfect sense is that because you had structure and you had like, even though it was a loose structure at boarding school, it was still a structure where, you know, you had people that were double checking on if you're actually doing study time, whether you were not when the door closed, but like, so you had like this little bit of structure. And with your dad being so structured, like it's something that you're probably really used to. So it adds like a layer of comfort, almost I can imagine.
Leia:Yeah. And my brain really likes structure. I didn't I don't think I realized that then. But I was gravitating towards what actually feels good to me. I think there was also way too much freedom at college to for me to thrive there. Because no one cared if I was going to class, no one. No one cared if I was drinking, nobody knew like there was no one to be like, this is a little off, right? At least like in boarding school. If I didn't show up to class, they were going to tell the people who saw the the oversight, while loose was at least if I didn't show up, because my brother, definitely, he is a rebel completely. And truly, many times had missed a lot of classes. And then there were conversations that needed to be had like, Hey, what's going on? You know? So that's what I was seeking in the military was some level of structure.
Siobhan:And so did you feel like you found it in the military? Or were you happy in the military?
Leia:I was, I was actually happy. And I probably would have, I probably would have made it a career had it not been for me getting pregnant. Yeah. Or at least a career for time. I don't know, I
Siobhan:would have done like a stint in it five or 10 years or something, at least
Leia:at least. And going in so young, knowing that 20 years would get me to 38. And then I would have retired. In my mind. I'm like, Oh, that makes total sense. Why would you leave before retirement when you come in that? Yeah. Because then you have, and it's not like Social Security, like you start getting your retirement when you get out. Right? So like, but life threw me for a different loop. And that's not what happened. No. But it would have been an option. I definitely was happy with it. And also I could see the progression. I knew where I could go and how I could get promoted. Like that's how my brain also right to work. And so I was like, every time there was early promotion, I I took the early promotion so I would do what I needed to do to make sure I got promoted very quickly.
Siobhan:What was your MOS
Leia:I was a 74 Bravo and I was a 70 I don't remember the other one seals how long it's been 21 years since I've been an M. Okay, I can tell you what I did. So in when I was an administrative specialist, that was that was what I trained to do after I did. It was 75 Bravo was the other one. I was a nuclear biological chemical warfare specialists for we learned how to detect I know I took it because it was a $5,000 bonus it was with the I did very well on the ASVAB and so
Siobhan:you got to kind of pick and choose what you want it. Yeah. And I wanted
Leia:something with a bonus. And I was like, Oh $5,000 You know, these are, you know, our youthful decision making skills like $5,000 not realizing that I'm taking an MOS but it's definitely a war bound. Like if there's a war, you're going, you're going yeah. So even though I had reclassed, when 911 happened, that's, I was assigned to a unit that was 75 Bravo. So I was going to do the NBC work.
Siobhan:Especially well, especially before 911. And when you're in the military, like, it wasn't a thought of like, you're gonna have to go to work because we hadn't had one. There hadn't been anything since Vietnam, like it was seemed like the world was kind of in a calm place. Yes. So because my brother when he joined, he joined to help him. In Boston, you're either going to be a cop or a fireman, like that. That's kind of like the thing when we grew up. And so he was like, I don't want to be cop, they shoot at you. running into a burning building seems such a good better idea. And he needed to take the he needed to have service because in Boston, affirmative action, as a white kid, he needed extra points in order to be even valuable on the list. And so part of how he could do that was joining the military and being active and having active service points, put some over 100 to help him get on. And so that's how he did it. And when he first joined, he was like, recruiting and doing all this stuff. And then 911 happens. And he was like, oh. And then he was like, I had like, he'd gotten on the fire department at that point. But he was like, I have to go. So he transferred into a unit to go. Because he was like, I got all these benefits from being in the military. Now it's time for me to do my duty. And I was like, Dude, you're crazy. Do not go to war. happens over there. Remember, Uncle Johnny, you've never come back from Vietnam. Like, don't go there. But he's, you know, a man of his service and duty. And so it's like, all right, I'm going. But it was wild, because I was like, when you join the military, that was not like, No, it was not. And he had a bunch of friends that were in that we're all just like, Dude, I never thought I'd have to actually do anything like that. When we joined.
Leia:Yeah, it's crazy. Because they they make sure to tell you when you're going through basic training, they're telling you You are a soldier first, right, no matter what your your MOS is, you are a soldier. Firstly, they drive this into you. But when you're 1819, sometimes 17. Because if your parents signed for you, you can go at 17 You don't actually have the forethought. That war is real, that it can happen that this is. I always say that basic training felt like I was at some type of summer camp. Like it was so much fun for me. I know it sounds crazy. But growing up with a dad that I had, I was like, nobody can yell at me and make me feel small. Because you I didn't. I've already experienced that. So the rest of it is just you know, can I be on time? Can I and I like to make a game out of things. So for me, it was all about this game. Like there's a activity that they do where you have to low crawl underneath this. Underneath, it's underneath some barbed wire, and then you're and then there's a point where you're kind of free in this dirt and your low crawl and they're shooting live rounds over your head. And it's the rounds are colored. They have some type of patriots around. Yeah, so you can see them. And they're like, no matter what you do, you do not stand up. I think the rounds are high enough that even if the tallest person had stood up, they weren't gonna get shot, right? Like because they have to keep us safe. But in the event that something goes wrong, you are not to stand up. So you get to this end point. Right. And you're sending us through this little low crawling obstacle course thing. So much fun. I think that night, the end of that night. I have pictures because we weren't supposed to have cameras, but I are a rebel. I'm a rebel. Not not like my brother, but a rebel. So I had a camera the whole time that I was in basic training that was hidden, and I'm surprised I mean, our bunks got shook and stuff, they never found my camera, or they did and you know, we're just not gonna bother her. Like
Siobhan:she says everything else. So well. We'll let this slide
Leia:which I don't know that night how I had that camera. I remember at one point it was inside of my, my Kevlar. I don't know. But I took it with me to that particular event. Like I think if it got taken and got taken like but I was like I'm going to risk having it. And these pictures of us like we are dirty from head to toe. Exhausted we got to get up for PT the next day because they don't give you a break right but it was it was just an incredible to me the experience. But never you thinking that they're training you for war, no matter how many times they tell you. Yeah, you're just like, oh, either either you're having fun or you're miserable. Didn't seem to be an in between for most people. But that part of it because you're so young. The majority of people are they're going in or not. Aren't, they're not old enough to truly process what they're signing up for. That bonus was huge for me, right?
Siobhan:He, especially when you're like a kid that doesn't have any money, and you're like, Oh, this is just a great way to get money. Yeah, or get an education or, and then you're like, they're drilling it into your head that you could go to war you could do to worry about your, like, that's like, could you could go to jail. Right.
Leia:Okay. And
Siobhan:then we go drive fast, you know, like, whatever the kind of innocuous thing is, it's like, but you could go to jail, and they're like, but you could seem kind of disconnected.
Leia:Yeah. I look at it now. And I'm like, I love the training, the training, I think almost everyone should, at some point, have to do the physically able, because it's just it, it forces you to, to drive to find something in yourself that you just never had before. Like I hate to run. But I learned how to, to deal with it to accept it as a part of especially because they'd be like, No, you can't drop. So they put you in these different categories as a group B group secret, I was in the B group. And I was like, dammit, I want to be in the C group, like I want to be the slowest runner is the ones that are allowed to do a little walking. Now, they would be like, Mitchell, get up here and be group cuz I start to drop back because I try to be at the end and then see what was behind us. Right. So I had to be like, I could be at the front of C group. And they would always push me to come back up. And, you know, you just have to find your mental fortitude when you're there. So it teaches you a lot about yourself. And I always say like, I have some cousins. And I'm like, I wish they had just followed the family tradition, like just for that part. Go into the military, because they needed to, to learn how to push themselves, how to be how to find that grit inside of them. And maybe they were never what maybe they would have gotten there been miserable and been the type of people that were like, I can't do this. I want to get out or washed out or Yeah. But there's something about that training that is just I think, really, it's really powerful for your self development, even with all the yelling and all of that even like most people just learn to deal with it over time. And they're unfazed by the crazy people in your face because they do look insane.
Siobhan:Yeah, I'm sure I. So I like thought about it for a hot minute was like I'm not a military person, because I never want to go to war, especially when my brother is getting deployed. Excuse me, I was in my early 20s. I mean, I was 21. And so, but three, most of my uncles had served. So I grew up with those guys, like one of my uncle's was in Vietnam. And he's, I think he had three Purple Hearts, and was paralyzed. So when he came back from them, he never walked again. My other uncle served in he was in the Marines. And then he got out of the Marines and went into the army, which is was like always a point of contention with his brother that was a Marine. And then another one was in the military for a little while, but he went AWOL so many times they stopped coming and look for him. He was a fantastic guy, but a wackadoo. Can I say that with all the love? And then my mom, her brother served. So like I grew up in kind of a military family where it was like a big thing. But I was just like, it is not my game. Like, no, thank you. I barely like my mom telling me what to do. Like, not my, I'm a pacifist. I need to but I don't need to shoot anybody. And I was just like, and but I remember like talking to my brother about like his exercises and stuff and pt. And being like when you come home, I'll I'll do it with you every day. So you did not get deployed though? I did not I did not.
Leia:Because I was nine months pregnant when when 911 happened. And at that, I assume they still do it. But you can get out on a chapter eight if you are pregnant. But you have to do it before you have to do it before you cross over into that was eight months pregnant nine months pregnant. You're pregnant for 40 weeks. So yeah, that by the time you hit 36 weeks, you're required to stay in the military after that because you give birth at anytime and they don't want to be liable for something bad happening especially because most people have to go home you can't stay there. You can't stay on the military post. So they would make you stay in. So when 911 happened. My first sergeant had to do the counseling that we do to decide are you staying in Are you getting out because every pregnant woman gets the opportunity to leave if she'd like and I was unsure at the time. And then he helped me to be sure by letting me know that we were you're going to war and he was giving me a look of like you know I always knew I was going to be a single mom after I decided to have my child. So knowing that I was going to be a single mom, this was going to be a very hard road to be in a deployable unit. And so I had to make a decision to get out. And so I did at that time, so
Siobhan:I got it. Your other option would have been to find someone, if you when you got deployed to take your newborn baby. Yeah, so that's a really hard thing for both of you,
Leia:right? You get the whatever, I don't know what it was, I don't know if it's six weeks or eight weeks of recovery time, post birth, if you give a natural birth, with no complications, right. And then after that, you have to find someone, everyone has to have a family care plan. So that's married people, single people, that doesn't matter. But if you are married, and not both of you are in the military, then your family care plan can look very different, right? Your spouse would be the one who is the in you're like, Okay, well, that makes sense to marry home with their parent, right? For me, that would have been very different. And then on top of it, I wasn't in the same state with my parents. So if I made them guardians, yeah, the Guardians, then they have to come and get my baby. And depending on how quickly you're deploying, you don't always have time to be the person who transfers oversee, you have to have the short term care plan, which means you have to have someone that you trust, to have your baby for a week or two month, however long it takes for them to coordinate with your parents, or whoever the Guardian that you've appointed is to come and get your baby or meet halfway or whatever the plan is, right? Like, I have no say in that because I'm deployed, right? So you may or may not even have a phone that you can use, right. And that was a very scary, I just moved to Louisiana when I was four months pregnant. So I didn't know anyone there. Anyone there. Especially with someone that's precious as, as my baby like, I had, there was a guy as a sergeant, who was in my platoon, and he, he was like my wife, you know, she's great with our kids. She just talked to me, she's like, just, you know, she was trying to tell me this is before, you know, we had the whole counseling thing. She's like, you know, you could just stay in, like, there's no need for you to get out. I would definitely be willing to die. And I'm like, why I so want my baby so badly. Yeah, like, I get paid to take 20. And it felt very weird, but they were just like, I get it now. But they were just very much a military family. And they were being Yes, they were being that supportive entity. And, and in hindsight, I really appreciate it. But at that time, I'm like, I'm 20 I'm pregnant. I don't trust anyone I just got here. This feels weird to me that you guys are pressuring me, for my child. And so the whole thing, just that that whole, like it had I stayed in South Carolina, there were enough people around where it might have been, it might have been okay, I might have had someone there that I was like, I had one, one sergeant there that I really loved. Everybody thought we were related, because we looked alike. And I could have trusted her. I loved her parenting style with their own kids, but you know, me leaving. Right? And like, I'm in this new place, and it just wouldn't have just wouldn't have worked for me mentally, you're gonna send me over to war and I'm worried about what's happening and I don't have regular contact and, and then I'm like, also, you know, he was gonna grow up without me, right? Like, I don't know how long I'm gonna be deployed for, like, I can come back and he's too and it's like, Who the hell are you? You know, like, that was a reality to in my mind, like, I have to win you over. Right? You're more attached to my mom than you are to me, like all of that type of stuff was in my head. And I'm like, You're
Siobhan:being solitary from grandpa. Like, you didn't know. Oh, that's a really hard decision, though. To make. Yeah, it was. It's kind of as a 20 year old when you're overwhelmed. And now you have this whole other life that you have to like, think for and think through and that's a lot. It's heavy. Yeah, it was
Leia:it was it was a lot, and I didn't I didn't really know what I was doing. Right. You know, I was 20 I was three weeks after I turned 21. So I was pregnant with them when I turned 21. And then three weeks after that I gave birth so it was like, I'm just growing up myself and I'm bringing another person into the world. So it was a I didn't have any real information on what this looks like. Because not like I had been around. I was I'm the baby so I didn't even watch my parents really raise another child. You know how like as a as an older sibling, you might have some insight as to what they were going through and that Yeah, yeah. And never had Help much a sibling, none of those types of things. So
Siobhan:I can't imagine what that's like. I like at first cousin. So I've been babysitting since I was like, here. Keep these kids alive. We're going over here.
Leia:But I mean, I know, because I know some insight that you really enjoyed being a mum. Oh, yeah. And you're like, that was the right decision that you made? For sure. Especially because I wanted six of them. Oh, my God. So just having the one. I don't know what made me think I wanted six. But I thought I did. And I probably could have been fine. Had I've been in a stable relationship a little bit older, and had all six of them. We'll never know. But now I really love kids. And I love being mom. I love being a mom, but it's different now. Yeah. Recently into adulthood, they they become their own person, you have to let go of certain parts of it. But being a mom was, was a fun, fun time.
Siobhan:Yeah, it's gonna be hard to like, give up that control of having a kid like when you're like guiding them, and then not going where you want to go.
Leia:That is That was the hardest part. And just before middle school, I had a therapist give me the advice of what's the worst that can happen. And she helped me let go have that need. And so it has been great kind of having this more of a hover above than being like a helicopter parent, where I'm right in the thick of it. I'm just kind of like observing. How are you doing? Are you okay? And just looking for those things that are detrimental to health and development, rather than holding on so tightly that I'm trying to control the outcomes of someone else's life like ultimately, you know, like, they are their own people. And they show you that very early on, I think we discount it because we think, well, they're just kids. And but they're not. They're actually just whole human beings. And that's an interesting take, I think, to look at them fully as being their own people. Yeah. I mean, you see the different personalities and the very young so you know that there, there's only so much guidance you can give, there's going to be these innate parts of who they are that's going to come forward and how they internalize experiences and all that different stuff. So yeah.
Siobhan:Yeah. I'm so glad I don't have kids. But I often am like, I do miss being around them sometimes. Because I think it's like, what does that old adage like, drunks and kids tell the truth. And I love a kid's perspective, because it's so it is just kind of, it's unencumbered by all the things that we learn as an adult. Like, they're just like, No, that doesn't make sense. Because this and that, and you're like, it's an excellent point you seven year old? Yeah. So what it is that when you got into like the corporate world that then led you into wanting to learn how to
Leia:No, no. No, it's not so. So I got out, right, I had called my parents and was like, Hey, I'm gonna get out, I want to make sure that this is okay for me to come home and you know, regroup and get myself together. Just before my 24th birthday, my dad lets us know that we're bankrupt. No one knew Wow, he said there was about three, three months worth of money left. And I was like, Oh, that could have been told to me before I made this decision, because maybe a different one. So there's a whole story of having to navigate, not having a safe place to land. So I'm just 21 year old with a new baby who can't be employed just yet because I need to recover. And no one was gonna hire me at the time that he told him like, I'm about to give birth, like, I look like I'm about to give birth to twins. My child was 10 pounds. So pretty much twins. So there was nothing for me to do, just yet. At that time, when you get out of the military, they allowed for you to get unemployment for a year. So I was like, okay, soon as I was ready to be able to go back to work, I applied for unemployment. And then I went and got an apartment for the two of us and luckily the woman that was renting the apartments out. She had luckily for me, not for her, she had an issue with alcohol. And I had shuffled our my application around and and she'd done this to several people and her corporate people came down and so they offered me because she took so long with the system, whatever. I don't know what the timeframe was that she was supposed to do. A two bedroom for the price of 109 So my rent for this two bedroom was thinking anything 399
Siobhan:Oh my god Wow, I'm surprised you still don't live there.
Leia:Yes. 399
Siobhan:Oh my god. That's amazing. Right?
Leia:It was a two bedroom two bath home. Yeah. Very nice. But it was an Alabama you know, cost of living is a lot different. Because even my last apartment before I moved here was under 700. And it was a two bedroom, two bath, spacious apartment.
Siobhan:I can't even imagine that. 399 I think maybe in the 90s could get you a bedroom in Boston. in someone else's house.
Leia:Wow. So we lived there for a year. And then during, so I'm getting unemployment. I'm trying to milk this for as long as possible, because I'm like, you
Siobhan:have a newborn baby trying to adjust.
Leia:I don't have that soft place like Where where's my child going when I'm going to work because also with the cost of living being so low, the minimum wage is also very low. It's still at the federal minimum wage, which is 725, I believe. Yeah, I can't believe that in 2023, they're still using the federal minimum wage as their I can't wait. Cities are doing it differently. But for the most part,
Siobhan:I can't believe that it's, that's still the federal Right. Like that's,
Leia:they should really be looking at the cost of living and determining. But, um, so I'm trying to figure that out. And then I decided to go back to school. So I was going back to school for psychology. And my parents are navigating this this house situation which the house is supposed to be going into foreclosure. But there's something going on with that economy at that time. And I don't remember what it was because I was just trying to live and so slowing some things down. There were lots of people in foreclosure and thanks for doing a lot of things to try to help figure out what to how to help people not lose their homes, because of course, also they want to continue getting their money and so so whatever was going on there was was going on, so I didn't really have a place for for him to go. And then my aunt lived nearby. And so she was really helpful with with that because she had a baby. I think seems like 10 months older, okay, so. So she'd be like, well, you know, he can come over here. But her, her daughter couldn't stand him. Like the idea of this interloper coming into her home, being held by her mom, this is not okay. And she developed this weird scream she would do at the top of her lungs. It was it was like your piercing. And he would just the minute the minute she would do it, she would do it so strategically, and then look very angelic afterwards. They're besties. Now she had to get over it. Yeah, she had to then declare her love for him at some point. When he was about one. I love him. And we're like, okay, like,
Siobhan:I guess he's not going anywhere. I love him.
Leia:So she was really helpful in that. And I was going back to school, and then I took a job. Because now my unemployment is done. And so I took a job at this small computer company that was a friend of a friend of a friend, I think, like somebody helped me get that job. And then she went out of business, because again, like I said, the economy was doing something at that time. That just wasn't I don't, I have no idea. And I've never looked it up. I've never gone back to see what was going on in 2001 2002 timeframe with our economy.
Siobhan:I was just trying to think of like, is that the first.com bust or bubble?
Leia:Or actually is 2000 to 2003 timeframe? Something was going on? Yeah, with our economy at that time that was causing a lot of disruption. And I got scared. And even though my parents were in this weird predicament. I moved back home at the end when my lease was up. Oh, it was probably the dumbest thing I could have done. Yeah. Because then that put me in the situation where I'm living at home. I am the only one who has a dependent that requires me to do. So nobody did anything but me. So it's me, my mom, my dad, and my brother and my baby. So we're at home, and I'm like, I have to work I have to be able to provide so I took out student loans stupidly to help pay for a living. Yeah. And I'm providing for my whole family because nobody will get up and go and do anything. In hindsight, I really. I don't know that my mom could have I think she was at clinical depression and probably maybe could have benefited from I love him on if You hear this? We've talked about this many times. She probably could have benefited from being in an institution somewhere like her. Her depression was that bad. Yeah. And the only thing that gave her joy was helping out with her grandchild. So which was helpful, because I did have to leave. And I eventually started working for blockbuster. And I was a manager at Blockbuster. And I leveraged my military experience. And for whatever reason, they trusted that that was true. There we go. And so being in management gave me little extra income like cool. So but the hours were crazy, because it didn't close to midnight. work required to work certain night shifts, you couldn't have like a early so I'm like, Okay, this can only last for so long before I make my next move. I'm going to keep the next part of the story very short. My dad decides to go to Trucking School. So this goes on. We're living in this situation. For about two years, I want to say he decided to go to Trucking School. I don't know why this was nothing against truckers. But he had a whole career he could have gone back to right. So I don't understand why this shift was the thing to do. But whatever. We make choices in life. And he decided to go to Trucking School. And after he'd been gone for, I don't know, I want to say a couple weeks, but don't actually remember the timeline. A sheriff shows up to give us the three day notice that the house is being foreclosed on, and that they're gonna come and change the Oh, wow. And we're like, what? Like, we didn't know where we were in the process, this foreclosure, and he was like, oh, no, we left the the 30 day notice? And I'm like, no, no, there was no 30 day notice. And he was like, basically, like he'd shuffle what he could do. And it gave us a couple extra days before they were gonna come out because he could see that my mom was really like, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about. In the midst of I was doing, I was packing, my dad had actually received this 30 day notice and put it in a book that he had been reading. And my mom found that she's like, oh, so he knew he knew and didn't tell anyone. And he left. Because he didn't want to have to deal with the fallout of this. He didn't want to have to deal with the, for him. You know, like, ego is everything. And so the embarrassment, like, of our family seeing him right. You know, that was his failure, basically,
Siobhan:as Yeah, I'm sure like, he thought as a man and as a father and as a husband. And so he was probably trying to hide from all of that by just avoiding, right,
Leia:only making it worse, because then everybody's like, yeah, this whole like, right, how do you leave when you know that this is about to happen? You don't give any type of information like we would have had 30 days to have found a trading plan. Yeah, all of that. It was like for him, like I just got to get the hell up out of here. So that's what he did. He left he went to Trucking School. And then he came back and acted like he was surprised. And we're like, you're not surprised, right? Stop. So luckily, my mom was the oldest of nine. So there was a lot of family support during that time. And everyone. It was crazy how many people like came out of the woodwork cousins that I barely even knew like, coming out of woodwork with trucks and bringing their friends and whatever. We had a whole bunch of stuff that was shipped back from Saudi. So it wasn't just like a household full of stuff. We had, like a storage unit in the back that was filled with all this different furniture. My dad has started a business, which that's how he bankrupted. Which makes you think, why would you go into business?
Siobhan:Because you're like, I can do a better
Leia:he prematurely left his his job to start a business that he didn't actually have a business plan for. He just
Siobhan:was trying to wing it. Yep. And it doesn't sound like a wing it kind of guy. It
Leia:was very odd to all of us. Everybody was like, what? Like, why is this that it was I think he was just so ego driven, like he really believed in himself. And didn't do the nuts and bolts for what needed to happen to them. Like your mechanic dude, like, yeah, you know that the pieces all have to be together, it falls apart, right? Like, you know, this, yeah, you do this. And you can do it on all kinds of different things. And it's still the same thing. You can do it on cars, he can do it on aircraft engines. That was his specialty. That's how we ended up over. So I don't know, I don't I wish I could get into the psychology of it all, but he never wanted to talk about that. So then, when that all happened, it was a whirlwind. We had very little time to find places to live. And it all oddly worked out. I found a place like immediately my brother took a job working for a cable company. I'm like, Dude, you could have gotten up a long time ago. Anyway, he took a job with a cable company I think they've been bought out since then by Comcast but. And he moved to Birmingham, which was further away. And then my mom lived with one of her sisters for a little bit. And we did our thing. So now I'm back to being completely single mom again, and having to figure out the next steps. And that's what really came into being a huge help, because now the kids are a little bit older, they love each other. This can work. Yeah. And so she, I think he was two and a half or something like that. It's hard to remember timelines. But so she became my caretaker while I worked. And then that's when I started really being like, okay, so blockbuster is not going to work. This isn't gonna work for anyone, like, I can't be coming to our house at almost one o'clock in the morning, we don't close till 12. And then I gotta figure this out. So I went to work for a bank, I'm like, that's gonna give me banking hours, and I'm gonna have weekends off. So this is gonna be perfect. So I did that. And then I went from there to going to work for a newspaper. And that's when I really got into, like, the corporate corporate structures
Siobhan:of stuff. Yeah, that must have been fun working for a newspaper. That was
Leia:fun. Yeah, I worked in advertising. But just the whole thing was cool. It's very, I like to romanticize those types of things. So you could go out to the area where they do like the printing press, and you could see the the newspapers being printed. It's fun. Yeah, it was a cool place to work. And then upstairs was like, the newsroom where everybody's rushing around and writing their stories and doing all that. Yeah,
Siobhan:yeah, that's, like, that's a great energy to be around too. Because all a lot of those people are kind of self starters and felt disciplined, or things don't get written or they don't go out. So it's like a kind of a slightly high stress area to be in. Yeah, it was
Leia:definitely. So like, even with advertising, like if you don't get it in by a certain date, because they're doing the layout for the paper. So if you don't get it in, you may not be able to get it in. So someone like wants a last minute ad. And of course, we want to make our because it was partially commissioned. So it was salary plus commission. And so, here's what I was making $12 and something an hour, and I was like, I am in money. Like, I really thought I was making something and then they did some restructuring. And then it went to a base salary of 30,000 with commission and I was like, This is it. I'm making all the money. I'm doing it. But in order to make commission, you know, you want to get every sale in and so you don't want to wait for that next. So you know, we'd have to go over and kind of schmooze the layout person, like, hey, like, is it possible that we can get this ad and she'd have to look at it and decide, like, if things could fit, like, could she push this over does a better job, because if you don't have enough story to fill, she's not gonna start another page. So you have to fit it in within what she's got. Yeah,
Siobhan:it was a whole, it's a powerful person. And, yes,
Leia:you better be on her good side. Yeah.
Siobhan:Don't be like your feet, you're going on the back page. On the bottom corner.
Leia:You wanted to be on her good side, and on the good side of the artists that you've worked with. So all the graphic artists like you want it to be on their side. Because again, if you have a last minute request for an ad to be created, if you don't have you're not running like a previously run ad,
Siobhan:someone has to design it, yep, together. And, and they have to be
Leia:willing to do that. Because if because a lot of times, she'd be like you already talked to our team, somebody's gonna do this.
Siobhan:Because if I make the space, you better have something to put in there.
Leia:It really helped me to be I typically, now I'm fine. Like I can talk to anybody at this point in my life, but then I was I was much, I think I was still shy, because there's a huge difference between being shy and introverted. And I am both of those things were was both of those things. And at that time, I was still fairly shy. So becoming the person that I needed to be in that environment required me to put on a certain mask. That was it was, it was tiring, but I'm like, I have to put it on and go to work and be social. And you got to be social all day. Because I'm making calls. I'm talking to people and I'm talking with my team. And then I'm talking with the different people in the office that I need to and I need to build really good relationships in order for that to happen. You can't just rely on like, it's your job to make the artwork right, like it's your job. But at the same time, they could say oh, no, I don't have the time. Right. And I can't tell them oh, you do have the time like so.
Siobhan:It's a coworker, not an employee like right boss employee.
Leia:And then if you want to make it that way by going to their boss you You're gonna cause yourself some problems. So. So building relationships was huge there. And it was, it was important for me. Because it started to chip away at shyness, like, over time, like, oh, like it's really okay to be around people, but I can also now because I am still very introverted. Take that space when I need to be with myself. And it's weird because I always say that as introverted as I am, my kid doesn't count. Like, his energy does not affect me when it comes to that introverted, like, I never need space from him never know. Yeah, like, he's just a part of the natural environment of things. So, like, being a mom, I was like, Oh, my God, I need this. This time. That's not how it worked for me. Like he was just a part of the normal progression of things, if not more common, especially when he's really young. Because, you know, that's when the hugs and the cuddling and say, like, oh, no, I get to go home to love like, this is great. I always find that to be weird, because I know some people, that's not how it works for them. Like they really do need space from their kids for everyone in order to restore. I rarely ever
Siobhan:needed that. I'm very social and some things but I do I have come to realize that I do need time alone to recharge. And I think I still haven't figured out because it's been a while now since I've been in like a serious relationship. But I think sometimes I wonder like, will I be able to recharge with that other person or not? Like how, like, what am I at right now with that kind of?
Leia:Yeah, I think it's also healthy to ask for space when you're with someone, right? But yeah, I love you and everything, but I'm gonna spend some time alone. We're gonna go walk and it's not going to include you like, yeah, that's perfectly natural and normal. I think we have a hard time asking for space from people because we think we're gonna hurt
Siobhan:their feelings. Yeah. And it's kind of like with the thing with your dad. Like, where's your just upfront about it? No one's feelings really get that hurt. It's like when you don't have when you can't ask. And so then you're doing things to like, yeah, avoid asking, where if you just asked, it's like the 10 seconds of uncomfortableness is like, way better than like the three weeks of like trying to carve out time and not let anyone know, not hurt anyone's feelings, where if you just like, hey, I'm gonna go for a walk by myself, because I just need a few minutes. Your partner is probably like, okay, great. See when you come back, right? And meanwhile, you're like, Okay, well, if I wait till you go to the bathroom. It's like, what are you doing? Oh, so you're the Hold on. There was one or two things I want to make sure we talked. Oh, that's what two, there's two actually. Okay. Because one of the things that we got into the other days, one of the reasons you're so into the kind of personal development and because you've done all the work, is that you recognize that you had ADHD as an adult? Yes. And like, what was that? Like? I mean, how did that help shape? Like, how old were you? I guess, is my I was.
Leia:Good question. Or about, you know, when I recognize or when I finally went for the diagnosis,
Siobhan:I guess both what's the what? Yeah, if you recognize it, what made you then go for the diagnosis,
Leia:I was about 26. When I got the diagnosis, I want to say 2627, it was leading up to me getting ready to move here. And the thing that, so we're just talking about working at the newspaper and all of this, like, fast paced, I've got to deal with people, you know, all these different things. And it was a very multifaceted job that required me to keep track of a lot of different things. And I could feel at certain moments that my brain just could not keep up with what was happening. And then I'm like, this is this is an old pattern, though. I've seen this before. It's one of the reasons why the military was probably really easy for me is that there wasn't you tell me what to do? Right? You gave me a very basic structure. And I could follow that. But you're now asking me to use my brain in ways that I'm keeping up with all of these different things. And there wasn't at that job, there wasn't a lot of oversight. Like my I had my supervisor, and he was doing his thing, which was mostly going out on and helping with assisting with getting sales, right, like building relationship outside. So he wasn't around. And I'm trying to keep structure of all these ads that are running, What day are they running? I was in a position called account, Relationship Specialist. So that required me to know, for my team of four people that were underneath me, I needed to know all of their ads that were running when they were running, who the contact was, and I had to keep up with all of this different stuff, where they were whether or not they had sales meetings and all this different stuff I needed To know all this stuff, and my brain was like, I don't want to do this. And I was like, but we got to so I put together my own. Because I do like structure. But sometimes it's easier for me if structure is given to me, right? I've since learned how to create my own structure, which is part of why my business works is that I can, I'm, like, I'm hearing you. I'm understanding what you're saying. And I'm like, oh, let's try this as a system. So. So I started to notice that this was, this is a repeating pattern, but I'm older now. Like, I can't, this isn't School, where I have a backpack full of papers that I'm looking for the paper that I wrote, I'm shuffling through all the stuff like this is this is real life. And this is gonna affect whether or not I can provide, right, so now I'm getting this as the other side of me that's like, okay, let's, let's figure this out. And so I had initially gone to a therapist, who was just like, oh, no, like, you're overwhelmed. And I was like, it's not that like this has been going on. And I had a PPO plan. So you know, you could find your own person. So I found someone who specializes in ADHD, entry treated adults, and I was like, let me go to this guy, because this will likely be better. And so he started off with this gamut of questions. And he had given me these, I think he told me a story, I cannot remember it. But I just remember there was things I had to remember. And, and then he asked me about these things. At the end of the, the conversation that we had about me, and I was like, I don't know, that was the first indicator for him that I had an attention issue. And then we did a bunch of other tests along the way. And it was really validating that I knew that something was wrong. And now we've got some answers. I just don't do medication. So. So that was the only hurdle was that I don't, I don't want to do, I don't want to do medication for anything unless I must, right. Just very sensitive to it just didn't want to get I mean, especially at that time, I don't know that there were any I think non stimulant or non non stimulant ones were just coming out. And I'm like, don't want anything else, I'm gonna take Adderall. And then I'm going to be like, people I've known who tried to come off Adderall, and they really just can't. And so I didn't want that for myself. And as life has been too volatile, I don't know, well, I have insurance forever, like all of these different things are in my head, like, so I'm just I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing it. And so I had to learn through some therapy, some different techniques that work. And then because I am the person that I am, and I like to research, I went down a rabbit hole and found some other techniques that really worked for me, like, for me, color coding really works. For me, repetition really works. So if I have something that I have to do, and it's annotated in multiple places, I'm more likely to be successful with making sure that thing happens. Sticky Notes are a huge way for me to get things organized. But it was very, very validating for me, but it also allowed me to then start creating all of these different systems in my life. That work, so I can create my own structure. And that's where this idea, part of the idea that systems are, make people successful. And that's whether you you know, have a neurodivergent brain or not, right, like people can really thrive if they don't have to do all the thinking because our brains decision fatigue is a real thing gets tired when we have to make decisions on the fly constantly. So if you have ways of like, blocking the things that you need to know the things that you're going to do, and having them in some type of system, then you're likely to be more successful getting those things done. Then there's that whole dopamine feedback loop when we do the things that feel good to us, right? Like when we are productive, like, that's so but it was one of the most validating things for me is to know why I struggled with. I struggled in school a lot. And not for lack of being intelligent, which was what I what I equated it to, was that I was my mom always gets mad at me, but I thought I was dumb. I'm like, I am not very smart. Because I struggle except for with writing. That was the only like, I took a novel class and I took another themes and world lit and I was great at that because one it was super interesting to me. And then writing is one of those things that comes naturally to me. And then the way the teacher had his class structure really worked for me. So we kept like a journal basically. And so a lot of the like the homework is that was all kept in this one place and we did it in class and except for the writing of papers, and so he was he was very his structure was just it was just structured enough and just loose enough to make you comfortable. Yeah But all the other classes like math who I did not jive with, my brain was like, no, yeah. No, we're not doing that homework. And I don't understand it. Like none of it was making sense to me because of the way it was being taught. And yeah, I wish I had known when I was younger, but I don't know, there's so much information now. And I don't know that would have made a difference. At that time. I don't think they knew how to teach to, to my brain where it would have
Siobhan:helped, but they still don't like they haven't changed the way teaching has been mostly ever. Like, because it we've, we talked about this kind of the other day when we were chatting about how no one teaches you how to learn, right? And no one teaches you really how to study they just are like, this is how you do it. And that's not how your brain works. And you're just kind of fucked. Like you're like, Excuse me? Yeah,
Leia:I think in what's great is that there is a lot of information out there now that you can if you're struggling with something, you can go look up like, I struggle with this and someone out there, it's gonna give you at least a hint. Like this lady on I don't know, it was a short form videos. I don't know what platform was on. But she mentioned that if you have ADHD, keep your shoes on in the house when you need to get something done. It is the coolest trick in the world. When I need to get something done. I now I'm like shoes on my dogs like where are you going? I'm like nowhere, buddy. I'm getting to work, huh? Right here. And I'm far more successful when I have the shoes on. She's like, the minute you take your shoes off, you think it's time to relax. And so you. But when you put your shoes on, your brain has taught itself that you're going somewhere you're about to do something right. So yes, I put shoes on to get work done in the house. Like if I need to clean if I need to do whatever. Yeah.
Siobhan:That's really interesting little tip. Yeah, I sorry, I think the other day, and I think it was like a meme on Facebook or Instagram or something. And it was like, our health care so broken that I grew up with ADHD, and learned more about it in 90 minutes on tick tock than I ever have from any doctor I've met. And I was like, yeah, that's truth. And that goes for so many things now too. Like, I grew up, I had endometriosis. As a kid, doctors would not know anything. Like they're like, well, we don't know what causes it. We don't know what makes it go away. But here's some drugs to take and like, Can we do some other things? Like, they're just like, we don't know. We never really studied it because it's just a woman's disease. We're not even sure it exists. Like it was terrible. And even now, there's still not a ton of research done on it. But the information I can find now is like oh, wow, oh, wait, look this, like I learned about something about it can also cause your hips to be extra tight. Oh, interesting. Or it can cause them to be double jointed. And they don't know why. But there's just like a correlation of women that have those two. Oh,
Leia:you said you don't know why. But I'm wondering if it's like an influx of hormones that causes it to be looser, the tightness. I'm wondering if that has to do with the scarring that yeah,
Siobhan:I'm I haven't done a ton of research into it. Because I that's interesting. I got my oven taken out so I don't have to deal with it. was the best decision I made after
Leia:I got baby bacon for Yeah.
Siobhan:I tried a couple times. I had never really wanted kids. I love them. But I have at something first cousins like I didn't,
Leia:weren't kidding about that. You know, really? Yeah.
Siobhan:There's like, I think there's like 17 of us on one side and 60 something on the other. So like, there's a lot of us. So getting my DNA out into the world was never something I felt necessary.
Leia:Like somebody's carrying on the lineage were okay. Yeah.
Siobhan:Good. And then I also was kind of like, Oh, if I ever did want kids, there's plenty out there in the world that need like, I don't need to have them to have a kid. And everybody would always be like, no, no, you're gonna want them you're gonna want them. You will you will. Even doctors, like I was like, Okay, let's just like at one point, I was so sick. And I was like, Can we just take this out? And you can't in Massachusetts, you couldn't get a hysterectomy under 26
Leia:It's illegal. I had a similar thing. Go ahead. And
Siobhan:it was and it was like, maddening to me. And I was like, Wait, so this is an option to make me healthy. But I can't take it because I'm not old enough because you think I still might want to have kids? And I'm like, What do I sign? What do we get my parents to sign and it was just like a no go. So for years, I was just sick every month. And they were like here's a bunch of drugs to take here's more drugs Oh, those aren't working here have have morphine like a 17 year old should not have a monthly prescription for morphine now, like it that just should not be that's a better option than just letting me not have the pain every month. It was like a wild thing to me. That's insane. So when I when I got like after my divorce and everything or separated, I was like first thing I did was call a doctor and like, let's get this thing out. And she was a great doctor and it was like boop boop and other than some complications because of my neck. And when they take your uterus out, they invert you and that I was inverted and it screwed with my neck injury. So I had some complicated other than that. It was one of the easiest surgeries I've ever been through. I like quick recovery was just like down for a week or two just kind of babying my body. But other than that, it was easy, breezy, and then not having cramps every month was like an amazing like, Are you throwing that my face? Yeah. I'm like now in encourager of like, just get it out. Like if you're not going to have kids, like, get it out, because it just, I was like, Who could I have been if I was not sick for a week, every month? Like who like and having breakthrough cramps on off weeks? And you don't? I mean, like if I had not had to deal with that much pain every month, what could I have done with that time? And it's like, frustrating, because it's like, I got robbed a part of my life. To GSP sick to make everyone else happy that I might have baby.
Leia:I think that concept is so. So weird. Yeah. When I was. So it was around the same. Would you say it was 26? I don't know if it was law in Alabama. But I was having some weird hormonal influx, like there was some things that were going on. We did some testing. Then they told me I had fibroids. And I was like, oh, okay, every woman in my family has had fibroids. And the I've all had hysterectomy. So I was like, well, well, I got this good insurance. Let's go ahead and do what we got to do here. And they were like, No, you might want a baby in the future. And I was like, I've had a child, and we're butting up against 30, which was my cutoff date for having any more kids. Because I'm like, they're gonna have this huge age gap. So like, let's just, let's just go ahead and call it right. They're like, No, absolutely not. And I was like, wow, okay, great. So I gotta deal with whatever is going on with until you guys deem that I am. I'm capable of making this decision and knowing whether or not I'm going to want more children. I was very upset at the time. I'm fine with it now, because it ended up when I got here. I don't know what happened in the subsequent years. If I actually made the fibroids shrink, or if I just never had to begin with because the ultrasound they said I had fibroids, but then I was having, again, an issue of I was having periods too often, which tends to just be I think, a thing in my body, because when my hormones shift, I'll have like two periods a month and then for like three months, and then it stops. But I understand it now. And I'm like, Okay, we're here again. Thanks a lot, buddy. But, um, so I went to a doctor here, and they're like, you said you had fibroids like, like, no, your uterus is perfect. And I was like, what? That's weird. It's like nothing. Like nothing. She's like, achieve and turn the little thing. She's showing me and I'm like, Oh, okay. Well,
Siobhan:I'm trying to remember wrack my brain now that because I haven't thought about this stuff, and so long, like, do five fibroids like cysts, where they'll kind of, they'll grow with the mill, they can disappear,
Leia:I think they can disappear. It's just not a common thing. It
Siobhan:might have been your change of stress, because stress I have found, like with talking to a bunch of friends and stuff, is like one of the biggest things on your period, which also no one talks about, like, Hey, your stress is probably making your period worse, or like not coming at all or whatever. Yes,
Leia:women's health. Like, it's just not a topic that people take seriously. Like the idea that we have, we're supposed to work through cramps, as if it's not. And there's, there's I don't know what kind of talk she was giving me. There's a woman that was giving a talk. It's on some of the short form things I find it I'll send it to you, but it is very interesting. She's talking about the level of pain, like what it's equivalent to
Siobhan:a heart attack, I
Leia:think is something I just read. Yeah. And it's just like, in what we're when we make a man come to work and be like, Yeah, I know you're having a hard time but you got to work.
Siobhan:What if that if men had cramps our world would be a completely different place? Yes, there would be one we would have drive thru abortion clinics to there would be like, leaves for it, you would get like oh your that you would have like a service that came to pamper you because you weren't, you don't need me like they would have because they're such claims. They would have had something like an infrastructure built to like cater to them and their cramps. Instead, they're like, oh, I don't even know if those actually happen.
Leia:No, but all the women in the world are telling your tendons. And they've been saying it for some time, but just worse. Yeah, that doesn't
Siobhan:happen. I had a woman once told me that she didn't think cramps were real. And we were in our like, I was, I was still in grade school. So like, she was like a friend's older sister. And she's like, oh, yeah, I don't she didn't. She had never had cramps. So she was just like, yeah, no, I don't really think those exist. And I was like, I will stab you. And I remember like, years later, I saw her, like, like an event and stuff and she comes over me. She's like, I've been thinking about you lately. And she's like, because I keep renewing. I'm bringing and I was like Jenny that happened like, and she was like, but I've had cramps. And I owe you an apology. And every time I get cramps, I think of you. And I'm like, oh, that's like, that's your own karma.
Leia:That was like, we're gonna show you cramps are real. Yeah.
Siobhan:Like, I wish you didn't have those. But I'm glad that you recognize that. They are very real. And they will, like, disable you. Yeah, it was terrible. I used to walk around with like, before I how I never came up with their pads. I'll still like, I used to have actual hot water bottles that like I would like Ace bandage to myself,
Leia:with me just didn't follow
Siobhan:me. That's good. I have ADHD. I always wonder sometimes about that stuff. Like when I'm with someone that's like, very neurodivergent. I'm like, Oh, I'm totally I see the world in a totally different way than them. But when I see these people, I spend time with people that have some of it. Because it's a spectrum, like, oh, maybe I am on the spectrum.
Leia:I mean, I think we all have some, some of the traits, you know, it's a spectrum for a reason, right? Is it we're all sitting on it somewhere. And I think even when you're on the lower end of it, you're very high functioning, you have any of the the issues that you can pinpoint, and say I have ADHD, you might have one or two things that, that kind of mirror it or mimic it, you know, you don't have a diagnosis of it. But there are some things I think, the idea that it is a spectrum that we have to keep that in mind too, though, because I think there's a lot of people giving themselves a diagnosis of things to do like right now you have it just like with narcissism, right? Like red is a hot topic people talk about and will be like, they are a narcissist, or the narcissist which they have some narcissistic traits. That's, there's an important difference between being.
Siobhan:I don't know if you know this, but Americans like it to be black or white. Unless it is black or white. And then they don't like you.
Leia:They're like, give us some gray area. Yeah.
Siobhan:Well, yeah, it goes back to the what we both discovered the other day, too, is that we don't visualize. Yes. And so like, I always thought people, like I was just broken, or like, people were all lying about the visualization. And you had the same thing. Yeah, I
Leia:thought that people did not, I didn't know it was a real thing. Like, I really thought. It's kind of like, like on movies, when people would think back and they show this visual, I thought that was for us on cartoons when they do the little bubble thing that was for us. And that it was more of a concept and not an actual thing that people are pulling up images and that some people can pull up sensations to which I'm like, What? What do you mean? Like, they think about something being wet, and it creates like a, like a, like, they don't feel your wetness, but they feel a sensation. Like I don't get any of those things. Like I don't pull up any type of sensation. No, like, oh, thinking about chocolate chip cookies. And I get a sense of a smell and like, What are you talking about? Right? And when I found I mean, it was like, for good month, I was just blown away. I kept asking like, what anyone I could talk to you visualize. But didn't need to know like, is it true that the majority of people are more people like me than I realized? But no, like, I think two people in all of this time. So that was 2020 when I found out to people that don't visualize at all, like there's some people with low visualization that I've met that are like, oh, you know, it's not like, super clear, but I can see. And then there are people who have really high almost like movie like clarity. And I'm like, what, right? What's that be like? With my sister, when I'm talking to her, she, she? It looks like she's pausing it like she's zoning out from what I'm talking about. And I'm like, so I start repeating myself, because I'm like, She's not listening to me. And she is a horrible listener. Yeah, I hope you're listening to. Okay, take it back, because she's gonna, her feelings will be hurt. And she's no horrible listener. She's just she gets distracted easily by her own thoughts. So when I'm talking to her, I think that that's what's happening. And then at some point, cuz we were on a vacation, and I'm talking, and I'm repeating myself, and I'm looking at her, and I'm trying to connect, like, Is she listening to me? And then she's like, Oh, I'm just visualizing what you're talking. I'm just trying to visualize it. I need I need to create the visual in order for this to work to make sense. And I was like, Oh, I don't do that. Therefore, I don't understand what's happening here. So it's helped me a lot now now, and I'm talking to her I'm like, I don't need to repeat I need to pause. Because that gives her a second to do what she needs to do. So we can get back into the discussion. Instead of me assuming that she's jumping off into her own world and ignoring me.
Siobhan:Yeah, it's so interesting, though, like because I, you're the first person I've met that also hasn't visualized because I was meditations is where I learned it like some teacher was I hated guided meditations, but I was listening to one. I was somewhere where they do had one. And the woman that was leading it all of a sudden said, If you can't visualize, you call upon the feeling. And I was like, what does she mean? If you can't visualize, like, wait two people actually see shit. And I was like, then I was like, didn't want to ask because I felt so like kind of dumb. Like, I was like, Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. But it was so wild to have, like, this person just in passing be like, Well, if you can't do that, it's okay. Like, do this way. And I'm like, Well, I know how to pull up the emotion of it, or the feeling of it. I'm like, but I've never seen anything. And so I was also thinking about this this morning. Do you dream?
Leia:So very rarely, but yes, I can dream. And
Siobhan:when you dream, do you see things? Or do you wake up? And you know, you dreamt but you don't?
Leia:I assume I'm seeing things? Yeah. That's a really good question. Because I don't I don't actually know. Right? I don't know that I have dreamt something.
Siobhan:But do you know if you see the movie of the dream?
Leia:Ah, now I'm gonna have to pay attention. The next time I say I've dropped because it doesn't happen very often, right? It's very rare that I have a dream. So I had a dream the other night, or at least, now that you bring this up, I don't know. How a dream of sorts, where I was wearing two small shoots. Like that's the only thing I remember, in most of them. I just remember like, bite size pieces of it. But you know, like, very rarely do I remember, like a stream of things that have occurred, it'll be just like I was in a car. So in this one, I was walking in the shoes were too small. And then I'm like, does that mean? Yeah, do you dream.
Siobhan:I had a dream this morning, which is what made me think of it is because I had I woke up and I was like, Oh my God. Because I couldn't last night, we were talking about dreams at work. And I said something about how I think he smoked too much weed to remember my dreams. Because there's some research that says a smoke a lot of weed, then you don't drink or your dreams aren't as like in the forefront of your brain. And so this morning, when I went back to bed for that half hour, I had like a really vivid dream. And it was really wild of a truck crashing into a building. And I saw the whole thing. And I when I woke up, I was like, I just had a dream that I can see it and I was like, am I learning to? Like, did I just have to admit that I couldn't visualize? And now I'm gonna learn how to? Or is that just something that happens in my dreams?
Leia:If you look up F Fantasia, which is the that's the name of what it is, when Oka can't visualize. A lot of people can dream. And that is the only time that they have that particular skill. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's only in their sleep. So yeah, might be that you're having actual visual difference
Siobhan:in my sleep, but can't do it when I'm trying to call it. That's really interesting. Yeah. And now I want to do the research to figure out like, how, what, yeah, like all of that. Is there a lot of people that don't visualize?
Leia:It's one to 2% They say, that's the population. Wow. And there are some people who have been able to successfully make that part of their brain because sometimes it happens because of an injury. And sometimes you just never had the ability. I don't ever remember having the ability. Because most of the time, if you had the ability, at some point, you would remember it going away.
Siobhan:Oh, no, I have to do some work. And see because I don't know if I had it. Because I've had a lot of concussions, which I've never given much credit to because it was never a really big thing when they happened. And now I went out on a date with this gentleman a while ago now. And he had had two concussions. And he was telling me how it changed his whole life. Like he was like telling me that his concussions were one of the reasons why he got divorced because it changed his personality so much. And I in the back of my brain I was thinking you just sort of trying to write this off on your foot and concussion guy like he gives us didn't want to be like, in my brain. It was like an excuse for him. And I'm like his questions don't and then I started to do a little research and I was like, That's too scary. I'm not going back to like, I've had like four or five good concussions. Nevermind little ones like, knocked out, don't remember woke up, knocked back out. Because I've been in a bunch of car accidents, always as a passenger now, but now I'm like, I wonder how much of that has changed my personality that I don't even realize because it's never been a kind of a topic or it wasn't as a kid and I got like, it was just like, Okay, well, you're gonna rest for a couple days and then you're fine. And I really thought like, oh, yeah, it's something that you have it happens but then you rest and it's gone. I didn't realize how much it can change the structure of your brain and your personality and all of that, which makes sense as an adult but it still doesn't seem something that's like real in my brain. It's
Leia:okay, because you're like I've been functioning fine. Yeah. And then also, who might you have been without those concussions? Right What What parts of you might have developed differently If you hadn't had them,
Siobhan:yeah, so I wonder if I had my visual I could visualize as a kid and then lost it. That's an interesting
Leia:rabbit hole. Yeah. I mean, I had an imaginary friend as a kid. And so I don't remember ever seeing her. But then I wonder if because, you know, I was really young I was that I was between the ages of three and four. Some of my first memories is that I had this we'd moved from Alabama to Arizona, and I had lost my whole world. So all of my, my mom's sisters, the younger ones were in their teens, and they were like my playmates, and I love them. And then all of a sudden, they were gone. And now I create this little friend Polly. But did I ever see Polly? I have no idea. I actually saw Polly. And then once I started school, then Holly disappeared. And well, Polly and her mom are moving out. Somewhere just like, Did I see nothing? And I was just pretending like something existed? Or did I have the ability, but I haven't had any brain injuries and head injuries that might account for why? Why it would have disappeared.
Siobhan:Well, maybe we'll have to do some research and see what other things make it either appear or disappear. Wow, it's such an interesting like, and it's so nice to meet someone who gets it because I've tried to talk to one or two of my other friends. And then like, so you can actually see like in your brain and they're like, like, okay, yeah,
Leia:because it just Yeah, seems very sci fi to me. I'm like, well, that's how I was when when Karen said, What do you mean, you don't see? And then she said you do? And she said yes. And I was like, I was like, what? I had this very like big reaction to it. Because I was like, that's insane. Because the only thing I could think of it's like, on on sci fi movies, when all of a sudden someone is pulling up some like data, and it's like out in front of them. And I'm like, That's what your life is like, like how distracting for one, but also how very cool that you can like, remember someone that you haven't seen in a long time. And if you want to feel close to them, like you can bring up their face. And I'm like, or someone who's died, right? Like, I will never have that ability, I will always have to have some type of picture. It actually my mom used to take pictures. And it actually made me tell her like, hey, one of these days, you're not going to be here. And I'm stuck with nothing unless you let me take pictures of you and with you. So she's been far more open. With this understanding, still uncomfortable, but she's been far more open. Because she Yeah, that's the truth of it for me, everyone else around, you'll be able to recall her. Not me, I will be stuck in a world that where she does not exist. And that's not very fair. But well, you
Siobhan:said something the other day when we first talked about this too, is that it makes you think it helps with, like healing from stuff. And I think that you're really right with that, like, so you were saying that because you can't visualize it in your head. It doesn't how hold that emotional kind of hostage on you. Yeah.
Leia:So you know, like, you go through a breakup, you destroy all the pictures. And you're like, I'm, I'm good now like, because the healing process doesn't include when you were when I remember something, it's it's all concept, right? Like there's no there's no visuals are very, very powerful. I don't have that in my face to look at to remember to. When I say someone's name, their face doesn't pop up, right in my mind to make me miss them. So it allows for detachment to happen. Sometimes, it's very powerful for like that the grief of something of losing someone or moving away. Like as much as I love my family. Unless I'm looking on Facebook or looking at pictures that I have of them. I'm not like oh my gosh, I miss them so much. Right? I miss them. But it's not because I'm constantly inundated with their faces and memories of them. So it makes moving on easier. But in some ways it also affects me on the opposite end of that where it's like, oh, I should probably call I should probably go visit because it's been a while since I've seen them. And the detachment can work even though with people I don't want to detach, right so but from the healing perspective, it's very powerful. I can move on at least from that part of the healing right a lot easier for me healing requires a whole like deep dive into what my behavior was and all this other stuff. So it's
Siobhan:Yeah.
Leia:So it's not moving on. Like where I'm just like, like I've never been someone who can serial date because I am like the self reflection requires. It requires a lot there's a lot of healing that has to happen on the in my inner world before I can move on. But as far as like remembering that person and being inundated with them that That's not real for me.
Siobhan:Yeah, it's not real for me either. And I, now I wonder if that's why is I have that kind of detachment that's easier. Like, yeah, it just is, it's a wild thing to kind of recognize about yourself. It's really cool thing too, because it feels like it, I can imagine, it's kind of like when you get the diagnosis when you're like, alright, so I knew this stuff. But now having a name for it is easier. And it makes it like more palatable or something like, and I guess once you know what something is, you can know how to learn about it and right work with it. Whereas before, when it's just all theory, it's like, maybe. But that's a huge, I just can't, I still can't really wrap my head around it. Like I've been thinking about it nonstop since we talked, because I'm like, now when I'm talking to someone, I'm like, wait, are they visualizing? What do they see? And then my other thing that keeps coming up is, what is someone when they think of me? What's their visualization? Right? Like, what's, what's the picture of the in their brain of me? Like, is it? What would or what would my picture of that person be in my brain? Because it doesn't happen? So I don't. And I wonder, too, if that's why you don't have expectations about some people, because I can't picture them in my brain doing anything. I don't project those onto them. So maybe that's why we are easier with people to like, let them be who they are. Because we don't have that judgment for what they should be doing. That's very true. We maybe we have a superpower.
Leia:That's what Karen always says, she's like, it's your superpower. And I'm like, I don't see how but maybe we do. I know you bring this down like, yeah, wait a minute,
Siobhan:I think we do have a superpower. Because some people will tell me I'm cold. And I'm like, I am not cold told that to like, but I can detach for something very easily. And I also will just accept it like, Okay, well, this is what happened. And now we're going to deal with it, because life kind of rolls on. But I wonder if that all has to do with that not having to visualize it all? Yeah,
Leia:I can imagine like, it's like, if you have to run into someone that you no longer want to see or is no longer part of your life, right? On a regular basis. It's much harder to let go of that person. But if that person is in your mind, even if they're not around, even if you never see them, but yeah, the picture of them shows up
Siobhan:in it, especially if you can't control it. And so their face just keeps popping. That must be one of your thoughts, right? Like, yeah, because I mean, I can get caught on a thought, and like, or a fight that I've had 20 years ago, and I can relive that fight 20 times like the verbiage of it, but I'm not seeing that fight in my brain. That's a really,
Leia:I've always often wondered when my brother like, I'm like, God, you know, like, Dad was horrible. But why are you still lingering in it as if it happened yesterday? And because maybe it is happening yesterday in his thoughts, because he's remembering and seeing the actual events happening in some way in his mind. versus me who's like, yeah, it happened. I remember it. Right. It was an event and it's done. Yeah.
Siobhan:And maybe that's where so many people get trapped in those loops of reliving the same stuff. Is there almost over visualizing it? Oh, wow, we might have just solve so many people's. And I really, I want to know, now like, of my friends who else can and can't. Because I wonder now to how many other people also thought like us and that, that it's just a concept or it's just a and don't know that they don't visualize because they don't know, visualization is really a thing. I wonder.
Leia:There's a coaching technique where you actually have people go back into their minds and relive a situation, but change the story. So that now they can start seeing the story that they're creating in their mind. And I'm like, that would never work for me. Like, I can't see it. Like, the only way for me is to purge it out. And to let it let it go. Right. Once I've gotten it out, it's usually a dead thing. But I have to write it, say it. Have conversations with someone who doesn't, who's not in the room with me, like I'm just saying what I need to say to them. And then I'm good, right? But for those people that can visualize, like they have to create a new story visually, in worth, change that narrative. Yeah. And how they feel about it.
Siobhan:I once did a like with my therapist, she walked me through, like, an exercise to try to like get rid of some of that stuff. And she kept talking to me about and I was just sitting there and I was so frustrated. Cuz she's like, now can you see the whiteboard? And I'm like, No. And she's like, you're not trying hard enough. And I'm like, I don't I don't I mean, I was like, I got so mad at her in that session because I was like, I don't visualize like I don't I don't know why I hate guided meditations. Like because I don't see that beach like, I've been to beaches, 1000 times they're my favorite place. Like, I can think of one, but I don't see it in my brain, like I can I know what it feels like. And I can like get my like emotion there and my feeling but I don't see anything. And she just kept going like, okay, but this is how this exercise works. Okay, but that's not how I work for me. Right. And that was like the end of our like that therapist not being the one for me, because I was like, You're not hearing me. And I think it's probably because she just didn't realize that I wasn't visualizing, right,
Leia:and how many people I wonder how many people she's worked with that didn't know that they could say, didn't feel empowered enough to say I don't visualize, right, like now that I know that I don't visualize. And that that is an actual thing. I will tell anyone at any time like this is because certain things are not going to work for me, or I have to do it in the way that I've always done it. Because when I want to feel comforted by like my grandfather, who was like, he's my favorite person on this earth. And he died when I was 15. But we had one of those, like, just uncomplicated relationships, right. And those are rare to have with human being, because usually something about them, they did something said something, they hurt your feelings, whatever. Like this was very uncomfortable when I want to feel close to him. I just think of him, right. I have like a belt buckle. He was very much a country man. And he had several belt buckles that were cool. And my grandmother gave us all belt buckles of his when he passed away. And so maybe I hold that thing, but I don't have that ability to pull his his face up. And knowing that when I'm talking to people, and they, I'm always like, that's one of my first questions. Now, if I'm going to do a technique, I'm like, do you have the ability to visualize? Because I want to know, like, right, before I send you down this, this thing, and I'm telling you to do something, and it may not benefit you at all. And I wonder how many people this therapist you were just talking about, didn't have like an alternative, right? For other people who maybe have the same? The same issue as you like, right, I can't see it, or I have low visualization. So it's still not very helpful. Because people with low visualization, you know, they're only going to see so much of things where they might only see some colors in there that give like a vague like almost like a blurry vision, right? And it's not very comforting at all, it doesn't look like the beach, it looks Yeah, it's like going to a movie. And how many people would benefit from people really realizing that this exists out there? And to just ask that question, right? Before we get started. And then knowing what you can do, or exploring with that person, what do they normally do to comfort themselves or to in, in the same context as how we might visualize something. So
Siobhan:I imagine you learn a lot of this through well, because you've taken so many classes in your own personal development, but then like the certifications to start this business that you're doing, where you're helping people to kind of integrate their personal and professional lives. And so you have to be able to look at different ways to come at that because I'm sure, I mean, people are so different. There's not one plan that's gonna work for everybody.
Leia:Absolutely, it is. It's a puzzle for each person. And so I go into it, letting people know, okay, so let me back up a little bit. I did behavioral management with kids with autism for three years. And so I spent time working with. So you know, the puzzle piece is autism, right, that's what is represented, because each person is going to be different in the way that it affects their abilities. To function, right? Like, somebody might be amazing at reading, but can't remember how to do. Like basic functions in the home executive functioning skills are very low, right? Like they can't prepare themselves for school, none of those things, right, right, where they may not be able to talk, but can tell you how to get from one place to the next with, you know, they can point it out to you. So being able to that was a very helpful part of this puzzle piece for me is like really realizing just how different we all are and how to manage that. So when I go into it with a client, I'm like, Hey, first thing you should know is that this is going to be a puzzle, I'm going to make some suggestions, we're going to do it based off of who you are as a person, what normally works for you. So we're going to do some deep diving, we're gonna put some things in place, and we're gonna review because I can't tell you to do things like me, everybody's not gonna want whiteboards up all over their house. Like that's right, that's a me thing. It really works for me, some people are gonna be like, That makes a lot of sense. And I want to, I want to try that out, right? Sticky notes aren't gonna be the thing for for everybody. There. There's so many different ways that we can get to the solution, but it really is going to be based off of the participation of the person like they have to be all in that's the other part of this is that we've been living a certain way and since I'm working with adult people, we are very stuck in our ways as humans and we do not like change and change. Just to be incremental. So we start very slow with the personal changes with business, but the business side of things and implementing different things, we can move a lot faster. But on that personal side of getting out of your own way, that requires a much slower approach, because you're not likely to stick to the changes if we make these sweeping changes. And we're asking you to adjust your whole personality and all of your routines and habits like that's, that's a lot to ask of someone. So I was asked recently by someone like, in what ways do you operate like a therapist, and I'm like, in all the ways a therapist operates like a therapist, except for that I can't diagnose you with anything, and I can't. And I don't do a lot of deep diving into your your past and less that past informs why you're doing what you're doing. And you're aware of that we're mostly gonna be moving forward, like, where are you now? And where do you need to be in order to be successful. But it's also going to be all the other areas of your life because why you do something and your business might be affected by why you're doing something at home? Or you're doing that across the board. And that is, what is the thing that's in your way. And so now we got to figure out like, why you're procrastinating what it is about procrastination, that feels so comforting to us, because it is it is a thing that we lean on that. And as weird as it sounds, we feel like no, I hate procrastinate. No, you hate the result of the procrastination. Procrastination feels good.
Siobhan:So why does it feel good? Because we're
Leia:not doing the thing that's that feels failing. We're avoiding failing. Exactly. I'm just uncomfortable now. So I'll be talking about good procrastination. Yeah, so getting it is a total puzzle piece of getting getting it together. And, and then there's also this, like, very important part of giving yourself grace. And a lot of people don't like, well, what does that mean? And I'm like that, just to me, it's very simple. When are we giving grace to ourselves, it means that we are acknowledging that we are not perfect in this thing today. And that we're going to try again tomorrow. That's it. Like we can't, we can't change what happened, we can't sit and stew in that. It's not going to help us. We know what the plan is. So we need to analyze what happened today. We just need to recognize that it didn't happen today. But we know that tomorrow is going to be we're going to we're going to try again. And we're going to we're going to create that, that clean slate for ourselves and not not be so because sometimes we can also be like, I'm gonna make up for it, and try to go overboard, which is also not very, it's not very productive, because now you're exhausted, and you tried to make a sweeping change. And you're not likely to stick with it in the subsequent days. So it's best to just be slow and steady. And you will eventually get there. But we all want change immediately. Right? Like when we're on a goal to lose 25 pounds, we want to go on tomorrow. And that's not going to happen. Not at all. And if we implement the changes to make that happen very quickly, as most people why people don't believe diets work is because after that, after we lose that 25 What do we do we go back to what we're doing before because we didn't actually do the steps to actually make change in our approaches to things. We did something on a short term basis, right? We're just we were only focused on the goal, we weren't focused on the long term results that we're usually looking for. Right? So it must be how often you get frustrated with the people that hire you, and then don't want to do the work. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh, yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to beat up on anybody. No, but I also it is a very, very frustrating thing to realize that someone recognizes that they need, there's a gap between who we are and who we want to be right. And some people are just at the beginning of that recognition, they're not actually ready to make that leap. And so they hire someone. And I think we've all done this before, either hire someone or just start on a planet of our own right. And then we don't, we don't do well, because we weren't ready to actually make the change, you have to be ready to make the changes. And it is very frustrating to be like, I can see it so clearly for you. You are aware of yourself, but you're just like fighting and resisting the idea of this change. And a lot of that has to do with and that is where I do think sometimes we can get to the bottom of it. But I think that that's where therapy actually comes in because they do a deeper dive into the past. What made you this way? Where, right where is this coming from? That's a whole other thing. And usually because that's not what coaches do. I don't want to get into the past and your parents and all these different things. I don't want to do harm, right? Where I'm bringing up old stuff. And now you're spiraling into things that could be damaging. So I'd rather us look at like, where are you? And where are we going?
Siobhan:And get you a therapist for that? Oh, yes. Like,
Leia:Hey, that's not really what I do. Like, let's, and so sometimes I think people will come to me or go to other coaches, because they're looking for that piece of the pie therapist does. You have to be ready, that is very frustrating to have someone be like, Yeah, I need to do this, this. And you're there with them. Right? Like, like, yes, okay, I see it, I know that you're aware of it, right? But you're just not, you're not ready, that that box you put yourself in is super comfortable. And, and I can't push someone out of it, you know,
Siobhan:because that would be kind of doing harm. Because if they're not ready, and then you push them, and then it could just backfire. Oh, that's a tight rope to walk. Yeah, to know where to push and when not to.
Leia:If we're doing it in the business setting, it's a little bit easier, because then I can just shift focus on like, we don't have to lose our time here. Like, we'll just shift into making some business changes. And we can, we can circle back around and see if you're ready, just yet to do this, especially if they have employees, which makes it a little bit easier, because they may not be doing all of the pieces of the things that we're putting into place. And so that that does help a lot. But if there are no employees, if you are your business, that is where it's the hardest, because now everything relies on you actually making the personal changes in order for us to move forward. And that's, that's where it gets a little sticky.
Siobhan:Is your Do you have tips or tricks to help someone like to get ready or to figure out why they aren't ready? Or is that all? Like is that too individually based?
Leia:would say, I can give all the tips in the world? If you're taking the tips, right? Then we're good to move forward. If I recognize that someone, so I went to school for psychology, I'm not a therapist, though. And but if I recognize that there's something deeper, darker, something I cannot and I can I can hear it and the things that they're saying or or the the responses that look very trauma based and I do have some training in trauma, then I want to send them somewhere else, I want to refer them say, hey, you know, I'm thinking that we're not making the most of our time, and that maybe it might be helpful for you to, to go to therapy route. Because I do talk about in the beginning, like there's a difference between a therapist and a coach and giving that information allows me to segue back to that if I need to write to say, Hey, I think that that might benefit you more, and then you can come back to me when when maybe some of this other stuff has been resolved. If there's pushback there, then we can, we can attempt to move forward. But yeah, but I also believe in firing a client if they can't, because doesn't benefit me or them, right? Like they're wasting money and I'm wasting time. We're just circling the drain like we're not doing what needs to be done. And I don't think that's that's very helpful.
Siobhan:Well, and then also opens the door for them to be able to like blame you that they're not doing it because you're not a good enough coach, and you're like, oh, no, I'm giving you all the tools, but you're not picking them up. But now you're gonna blame me. And that can be like, a mindfuck. Yeah. For you and them, like if they're not willing to do the actual work, but they have themselves convinced that they are. And then it's like, oh, no, it's not my fault is Lee as well. Like, yeah,
Leia:I mean, they it's an easy. Yeah,
Siobhan:it's an easy L Yeah. I wonder if some people hire you as an easy out. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't be surprised, like, Oh, if I hire her like, she, if she doesn't fix me, then it's not my fault. It's her fault,
Leia:I'm sure. But more on like the subconscious level, like they don't realize they're doing it. They just, they know that they need what they need right now. They're just unwilling to take that step. And it is easier to say, Hey, you didn't do it? Yeah,
Siobhan:I'll take it a step too scary. So like I do, give people grace on that, just because I need to give it to myself. Because it's scary to make those changes sometimes because it's, I think it goes back for me at least it's that the fear of failure, and like not failing at all is better than failing. Which is really stupid, because you learn more in the failing. It's not failing. It's doing it wrong a million times or whatever, but like, it's that fear of the unknown. For me, it's like a fear of the judgment that comes with the family. Or like, Why do you even think that you're worth that like, in that like, Oh, I know my issues, but it's also like fixing them has been a long hard road and it hasn't healing is hard. It is. It's very hard and super lonely. And, but totally worth it.
Leia:I agree. 100% With that, yeah, yeah. And I think knowing, so there's like, plateaus, right? Like You've done a bunch of healing on something, and it's okay. It'd be like, I need that to just settle in some, like I don't, I don't need to keep pushing this right now. Because you can really become overwhelmed unless you don't have any choice in it. Because sometimes that happens. I feel like the last couple years for me that I didn't have any there was internal shifting that I'm like, I don't know what I've never got to can recall, experience anything like this before, where you just healing and it was a very lonely place to be.
Siobhan:That's one of the reasons why I want to just start this is because for my like, I've been through so much crap, and just like everybody, but like, some people are like, No, that's a lot of crap. And I've had like a lot of health issues and things and then I'm on my own a lot for it, because it's I didn't, the people who love me haven't had the capacity to show up in ways that meant something to me, and not that they weren't trying, but it's like my needs and their ability just never meshed well, which causes some like frictions and resentments that I don't want to have. And it's learning that I'm, it's okay to have those, it's okay to be disappointed that someone couldn't show up in a meaningful way for me, and to know that they still love me, they still want to be there, they still support me, it's just looks different. So a lot of it was like, I don't know where to go with any of this, because I know that they're not capable of it. So how do I then and then it's like, well, now I can't go to anyone with anything. Because I'm too much for any, you know, it's like that kind of back and forth and pull. And it's been so lonely at times. But now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm like, it's so much work, like it was worth all the bad parts and all the dark parts and all the parts where I was like this, maybe this should just be the end or whatever. It was like no, no, because it will get better. And for whatever reason I always had that little thing was like, it will get better if I just keep doing the work. And like I will be better and I will be happier and my life will be more fulfilling. But I don't know where that came from. Like other than it's just innate in me to be a survivor and to want to make things better. And like, I like to leave things as better than I found them if I can, like my thought is never to leave something in worse shape. And I think that that, for whatever reason, has carried me through all of those times that was like really dark and dire.
Leia:I think it's a really great guide. Guiding, kind of thought process or mindset to have.
Siobhan:Yeah, and it's just like, well, the alternative is just to be dead. Like, that's not to me, that's not a viable option. Like I've lost too many people and I know like, and I hope there's somewhere else in the world like and I have that feeling of like things kind of come back around. But it's also like, I'm here for a reason. And if none of the accidents have killed me this far, like, there must be some kind of reason. So whatever that is, I'll try to lean into it even though I've no idea what I'm doing. But I'm like if I can be like a soft spot for someone to come to her lands or to know like, hey, that chick did had a fucked up life too and got through it or this happened and or like talking to someone like you who's had a bunch of different life experiences and to say like, how did it help shape you like what like that, to me is like the kind of gift I can give back. Yeah, I love that and just remind people like, Yeah, it sucks. And it's lonely. Because I don't think I think sometimes that's the part we don't talk about is the loneliness of healing. And like the it's just sometimes the bleakness of it.
Leia:Yeah, I think I wanted to ask you, when you were talking. So I asked this question a lot, like, have you? Did you ask specifically for what would make you feel supported and loved during your?
Siobhan:I think I tried at some points, but at times, I think I was so in it, that I couldn't have asked for help. And then when like so I was over medicated for a long time. And I had thought I'd done all the things to make sure cuz I come from a long line of addicts. I was on fentanyl for a long time prescribed and with other drugs on top of it. Because my pain was so bad. My blood pressure would spike again a temperature all because of how much pain I was in. And so I wanted to make sure I didn't get over medicated. And I only had one prescribing doctor, every other doctor that I went to that would try to write me a prescription. I'd be like, Can you email that to my PCP, so that everything, I don't have legs? You know, I was in nursing school when I got really hurt. So I was kind of like, trying to make sure I had all the guardrails in line to make sure I didn't become an addict. And then I had people that I would go to and say like, Hey, I'm okay. Still like, you know, I feel like it was a little foggy last night. No, no, you're fine. You're fine, you're fine. And then when I, my sister in law, basically, or my niece basically saved my life. My sister in law had my niece and I was living back close to them. And I said something about how I couldn't wait to have her my first full weekend. And my sister in law looked at me and was like, what? And I was like, No, I can like when you guys are ready to go like I'll obviously I will take her for her first weekend while you guys leave, and she was just like, I can't leave her with you. Oh, wow. And I was like, so kind of mortified and like, I was like, I was like, I've been babysitting infants since I was nine years old. Like, what do you mean? You can't leave my knees? To my goddaughter? Like, I was like, What do you mean? You can't she's like, You're too medicated. And she's like, You don't know what's going on half the time. And she said it to me in a in a moment when I had the perfect kind of clarity. It was okay. And I was like, What are you talking about? And she was like, there are times that you don't think you even remember you're here. And she wasn't wrong. But I had gone to other people and said like, I'm okay. Right. And they were just like, Yeah, you're good. You're good. You're good. And so when it happened, I was like, wow, what the fuck? And so I said some stuff to my then husband, and I was like, you know this and then he was like, No, babe. No. And I that night, I took my fentanyl patch off, and I went through the doc detox. He was it was like a Sunday night, he was going to work Monday. And I was like, alright, I'll have like 12 hours a day to kind of an I went through DTS, and which was stupid, and I shouldn't have done it. And I could have died. And I slept in my bathtub for like, 12 hours one day, because I just between the shitting in the puking was just like, I might as well not like baseball, just keep being able to hose myself off. And it was terrible. But it also gave me like, I was like, I'm not an addict, like, I'm the I've been working so hard not to be one. And then I, like got clean. And then I had to go back on it because I had surgeries and stuff. But it was just like a. And then after I started to get better, so many people in my life were like, Oh, you're so bright. Now. Like, you can see your eyes again. It's almost like having you back. And I was like, What do you? How did all of you people know this? And like a couple of people were like, Oh, we were so worried we would talk about it. I'm like, Did you everything to talk to me? And they're like, well, we talk to this person, that person but and then people that really like my parents at one point said, Well, we didn't know if it was our business. And I said, if it's not your business, whose business is it? And that was a really hard kind of moment for me to be like, so I'm your kid, but you're not. It's not your business to help me in life anymore. Like, if you see me struggling, you're just not gonna throw me a life raft. And they were just kind of like, well, we just we didn't we didn't know. And, you know, Ron was taking care of you. And like, everybody wasn't like, and y'all knew it. And everyone was talking about me, but not to me. And I just kind of lost a lot of like, the like, Oh, you don't really care that because if you can watch me drowned. Yeah. Like, or if you could, you could just sit there and watch me drown. I like it just gave me a lot of like, hurt. And like, alright, I don't want to be around you people. Because I will never know if you're really supporting me or not. And it's a shitty feeling to have. That must have been really hard. Yeah. And so it still creeps up every once in a while now, like someone will make a reference to something back when I was really hurt and over medicated and i get so kind of like because I'm like, I feel like I got robbed of even more time when I thought I was doing all the right things. But I was so far in it. I didn't know. It was on like fentanyl and Vikon. And I was on so much shit. And I was still taking way less than I was prescribed. Like, and there is some like now that I'm clean, like I say clean because it's well true. But now that I'm clear from those times, there were little things like one of the pharmacists one day was like, should you do you know that you're taking like a shit ton of stuff to be your age? And he's like, What? Like, it's not he he has like boundaries on what I can and can't ask. But there was some little things here and there now that I know, it's like, okay, that was planting the seeds, at least because when she said it to me, like I was shocked, but it wasn't shocking. Like, I was like, No, I'm not that bad. And she was just like, wow,
Leia:I'm glad that she had that moment to be able to tell you and that you were in a clear enough state to receive that message. Because that could have gone a whole other way. Like you could have just been offended and defensive. And just like I can't believe this, you know, like that could have gone a whole other way. Yeah,
Siobhan:it could have caused a huge rift between gi but instead it was like, because I know
Leia:that's, that's beautiful
Siobhan:now, and it's a testament to who she is and the fact that like she doesn't, when she says stuff, I've always listened because she's not one of those people that's always like poking. It's like when she says stuff like that. It's like it means more because she doesn't nitpick it. Yeah. Like, and she was protecting her kid, which I was always like, I'm gonna respect you. Yeah, yeah, I want you to do the best thing, taking care of this precious little baby girl that I loved. You know, like, it was a moment of like, Oh, she needs to do this to protect this little person that we both loved so much. So she's doing in the best interest of what she should be. So like, I need to really listen to that. And so I did, and she called me a couple of days later, and she's like, hi, she's like, you sound awful. And I was like, really sick and she's like, what's the matter? And I was like, I took my patch off and she's like, you what? She's a nurse and she's like, you can't just she's like you haven't titrated at all. I'm like, No, I'm not an addict. And she's like, it's not about being an addict, like, she's gonna get that out of your brain. You can't just detox. And I like, well, I'm four days in now. So I'm like, writing it out. Like that's awesome. That's something I would advise for anyone to do.
Leia:Oh, no, no, I detox my brother. Alcohol was his drug of choice. And we detox him at home. It was stupid, but he didn't have any insurance. And that's hard to do. And I was about 30, I didn't have any. I did all the research I could. And I knew that, you know, 911 would be the thing, you know, if it gets too bad, and he definitely went through the details and the puking and the anger, he was yelling at me, I was the worst person in the world, because I was only letting him eat like soft foods and like soup. And all I get is this fucking Sophie was so pissed at me. And I'm like, we talked about this before. But okay. You know, I had no experience, all I knew is that he just couldn't keep going down the road that he was going. The story is longer, though, because that wasn't, he didn't stay clean. after that. It took him he's like seven years clean. And now I think,
Siobhan:nice. A lot of people don't get clean on their first time. And they and then they feel like a failure, which I think is like the worst thing that you can do to someone that's an addict. If they tried, and they had any amount of days clean, like, rejoice in that, because I think if you can celebrate that, they'll go back to it. You mean, yeah. And because I grew up with a lot of addicts. And so I like, which is one of the reasons why I tried so hard to make sure I wasn't becoming one. And then I totally did. And I still have a hard time kind of admitting that I was an addict, just because I was like, I wasn't seeking I didn't do this. I was taking less like I wasn't running out by the end of the month. So in my brain, it's like, but you still weren't when I'm like, oh, no, I was. Because there's also days, I know that I was taking stuff when I like, was like, Okay, I don't want to deal with this. So if I just take this, it's
Leia:easier, right? And it's easier to say to yourself, but it's also prescribed right. So you have that to lean on to support the story of I am not an addict. But yeah, I do think ultimately, though, yours, your story is just not an I won't say it's not common, because it's definitely something that has become more common. Right, we see a lot of people who are just being overprescribed, because we just do that in this country. But there's this history in your family that you were fighting against. And then these prescriptions sent you down a road that you were not working for. Yeah.
Siobhan:And I am grateful for kind of my families, because it gave me that gave me a tool for being sent down that road. Yes, people that get sent down on their own don't have. And you don't think that like taking this is going to lead to taking that. But I can totally see if I if they had stopped my prescription, I totally can see me going to the street to get it. And then if I can't get that, then I'm going to heroin because I can't not have it and like that's cheaper than opiates, or it's cheaper than I it's when people are like, I don't know how that happens. I'm like, I don't know how you don't know how it happens. Like, it's a really easy, fast progression. Like we give people opiates that are designed to be addictive. And then you just want to stop, you want to give them like a bunch of them upfront. And then you want to be like oh, yeah, now you don't have any right. Like you got to teach people how to use these things responsibly. And you need to watch them because it can get out of control so fast. Yes, because it changes the way your brain works.
Leia:And then we also need to work on pain management that's outside of medication, like what else? What else is available to us? Yeah.
Siobhan:Yeah, if I had stayed on the path that Western medicine had me on, I would surely be dead. Because one, they weren't doing anything for my pain other than giving me drugs. And they just kept upping my drugs. I went to before I moved here to California, I had a meeting with a pain specialist. And I was so excited for this meeting for weeks, I waited for it. Because I was like she's going to be the person that can teach me something else. So we go and we sit down and we start talking. And she's like, well tell me how you cope. And so I'm going through all this stuff. And at this point, I had been off almost completely off opiates for I don't know, seven or eight months. I was using weed and exercise and like a bunch of other things. So I'm like, I do this and I do that and I do this like that, and I have to do this and she's like, okay, okay, okay. And I'm like, Alright, so now what do you got for me? And she just looked at me and was just like, you have discovered it all. And I like just started crying. Oh, my mom was sitting there with me. And I was just like, Excuse me. And she's like, I don't really have she's like, you've done a really good job of finding all of them. And I was like, didn't you go to college and medical school? And she's like, and I was like, I've dropped out of three colleges. How do I know everything you do? But and she was just like, and I was like, I gotta go and I got up and started walk out. She's like, wait, wait, but wait, and I was like, no, if you don't have anything to offer me, then this appointment is over and I've waited months for nothing. I'm like, I can't believe that you get paid all this money to tell people the things I found on the internet. Like I asked, frustrating, I was just like, I was just in tears. And my mom's just looking at me like, I don't know, understand what just happened, like, and I was just like, let's go. And then I was like I'm leaving and going to California next week, like I'm out. Because I was like, I just can't be in the cold, it's the only other thing I can think of to help my body. And it's made a huge difference. But it's like, I have like a battery of things I do almost every day to make sure that I'm upright and moving and, like, have learned to kind of deal with the pain. And it's, you accept it, or you don't kind of, and it sucks. And some days are worse than others. Like I've gotten to my pains, you know, it's constant, but now it's at a four or five most days. Like, I think even once in a while I've had a three day where it's like, it's almost like I don't have any pain. But you know, and then there's other days where it's like a nine and 10. And I'm like, I can't do anything. And it sucks because it robs you of your day, and can make it really hard to work every day. I'm
Leia:no doctor, but I do always have to ask this question when people are in chronic pain. Do you know what your vitamin D levels are? I don't, I need to get your vitamin D levels checked. And if they are not between, again, not a doctor. So if this ends up being on there. If it's between 50 and 70, you're good. If it's anything lower than that you should get you can either take it orally. But anytime we take something orally we're fighting against it being absorbed fully because it's been broken down and in our digestive system in ways that we have a hard time absorbing, you should take it with a fattiest meal of the day. And not at night because sometimes it mimics sunlight in our body and we will end up having that sleep so early in the day with a fatty meal. So if you eat eggs at breakfast, that's a great one. Or you can take it with like a spoonful of olive oil. If you're gonna go that route, I like injections for vitamin D, because it bypasses the digestion and get straight into the system. And it's amazing. And so if you're in chronic pain, and it's lower than that, most of us are at a deficit like we're most of us are deficient because we work indoors, we live indoors, we're no longer working out in fields. And so this modern world that we live in we are we don't have enough vitamin D, so we're not getting the amount of sunlight. So you can get 15 minutes a day without sunblock, if that's possible for you. Everybody burns at different rates, but we can get 15 minutes a day. That's also on as much body as possible. So you want to have all of the body exposed. And get that 15 minutes doesn't have to be all at one time. You know, you could do five minutes here, five minutes there, whatever. But the injections made a huge difference. I thought I was dying in my 20s because my my vitamin D was so low. Wow. And it was well below the threshold, the threshold but even the threshold according to a naturopathic doctor that I went to is it's horrible. She's like, that's like the bare minimum for saying that you're okay. Which is 20.
Siobhan:That's interesting in most labs when I first moved out here, like I moved out here, and I moved to the island and April of 2020. And anytime it was like above 62 I was on the beach in my bikini, because it was a just come from Boston. So 62 here is like 84 at home. So I was like just happy. But I was out as often as I could. And I think that that's probably one of the things like on days that I couldn't get out. It was like I was like I just need to be out in the sun with it on as much skin as possible. And it probably is one of the things that helped that I didn't realize, like I thought it was just the walking but it's probably the sun too. Yeah,
Leia:we demonize the sun but it actually gives us a lot I don't worship that good.
Siobhan:I want a sun worship or my entire life. I love that. Yeah, I am
Leia:we have as a society has decided the sun is horrible. And that is not true. I've had skin cancer.
Siobhan:I've had skin cancer move. I even gave like six different spots of it my back and my chest and the dirt. The first time I had it, I was like 16 I think in the dermatologist said to me because I was like, Oh, this means I can't go in the sense. You know, you just need to be smart about your sunscreen. And she said the worst thing she could have ever said to me she said just because you had it once doesn't mean you have it again. And you're like and I believed it for like five years I didn't have any and then I you know but it's also my skin is that kind of skin. Something with like, I'll grow moles and stuff. My back is got more moles now than it did 10 years ago. But it's also like okay, but I'll just get a little extra sunscreen because I'm going out like I'm gonna go lay out on the beach. I'm gonna go lay by a pool. Those are my favorite things to do. And go swimming in any kind of body of water on a sunny day. You'll find me there.
Leia:Yeah, you can go with your bare skin for 15 minutes, then lather up. Yeah, and block it and still enjoy your son. Yeah, but um, vitamin D for chronic pain. I mean I thought I was dying. I was like, I can just get my child to 18. And of course, I was young. So I'm realizing now I'm like 18 wouldn't have been very helpful. Well, there's so much more time that a parent needs what their their kid or their kid needs with them, right? In order for them to feel like they're ready to get out on their own. Like I realized now I'm parenting an adult child. Like, there's still there's still stuff we got to get through. And I need to be there for and but I really thought, I thought it was the end. I'm like, here it is like this is my whole body hurt all the time. looks terrible. Yeah, there was one time it was snowing in Alabama, which it doesn't snow and stick. And I have pictures of him from I'm on the balcony taking pictures because I'm like, bundle up, go downstairs and enjoy great snow that's coming down. And I can't go with you. My body hurts so bad. I thought I had a mess. I thought I had lupus. I thought I had all the things. I like this is it? I don't know. In fact, I had some neurological things that are happening in my brain when they did the seizure test the EEG. Which they then decided, well, because I don't have Miss. They were no longer going to treat. They gave me this medication that made my body feel incredible. And I was like, Oh, what is this? I haven't felt like this in the longest time because I've been in so much pain, right? But because I didn't have a mess. They took me off that medication that was like, well, that sucks. It's actually better for me, because now it's apparently addictive. I didn't know. But it felt for those couple of weeks that I had it. I was like I am golden. Like, like,
Siobhan:I want to know what that is
Leia:Keppra Keppra. Right. It made me feel incredible. But um, yeah. And then to come to find out I went to a random doctor, I had seen all these specialists. I saw a random doctor who is in he's in like an urgent care type setting. And I went in there because I was booing him because I was like, I'm dying. Like, I don't know what else to do. And I don't know why I went I went there. Because I'm like, I don't know what else to do. Like, there was no real reason other than for me to complain that My life sucks. And then I'm dying, right to go into his office. And he goes, has anyone run a diamond panel? And I was like, No, I don't think it was he talking about. He's like, let's, let's do a vitamin panel and just just see where your levels are on that. And I was like, whatever I've been to, right. Neurologists, psychologists, the gamut like all the different doctors, and he runs it and comes back. And he's like, your vitamin D levels are really low. And it's going to take a while for them to come back up. And he's like, so the depression, all the stuff that you're experiencing is all related. Yeah. Wow. And that you will feel better over time. And we're only able to get my my levels back up to that baseline amount. And then last year, I went down the rabbit hole of how do I get from baseline to optimal, right. And that's when I went and start getting injections, and got them once a week, the high volume amount and was able to move for the first time into my 30s on the scale. Wow. So I'm still working to get it up to this. I haven't had it retested. But right, yeah, it made a huge difference. Though. Even that gave me far more energy, I started feeling like I can do a lot more physically, my body doesn't get a sore when I work out. Because those levels are higher, right? It affects so many different areas of your body, because I've gotten in this rabbit hole of researching vitamin D. So anyway, oh, that's a great trip. highly suggest looking into what your levels are and whether or not you can get them up. Because if they're if they're not going to suppose to be, yeah, huge, huge difference in how your body feels. I'd love for you to be at a three or lower. Yeah, every day, when that'd be great.
Siobhan:It would be I don't know if that'll ever happen. And I've kind of resigned myself to that it won't. If I told myself if I can get to like a four or five every day like that would be you know, ideal because I used to I for almost three years, I didn't leave my house. I was like from my bed to my couch to the shower to the couch, like to PT would be so sore from PT, I'd go home and just be in pain for the rest of the night. And it was like I just can't live like this anymore. And it took like it was slow and in increments that I started to get better like it was I started to take weed instead of like an N or, you know, I was like I need to have some things. And then I started taking things and doing things for anti inflammatory and just starting to move my body and I had gotten super fat. Like I was not heavy. I was fat. Like I was a short fat chick. And it also helped me hide out in the world because people don't pay attention to fat people. But it also like was just more taxing on my body, which was not healthy. But it was and it took really small steps that you know, but they've all led me here. So I'm kind of like Okay, thank you well, I try to live with as much gratitude as I can. Like it makes it all easier. Even though some days it's really
Leia:hard. It's really hard. I heard a practice that I really like was that gratitude is practiced in the moment. It's like when if you're struggling to come up with the things to feel grateful for. When the when something happens, like you have a moment and you feel it, how you feel it, you're like, I love that person, right? Like, they come up and say something or you run into someone and you're like, in that moment, you just feeling whatever, you breathe that in you stay in that moment for as long as you can. And then that's your gratitude practice of the day, rather than trying to recall a thing or, or create. Yeah, I like that gratitude. Yeah, I do, too. It has helped a lot with cuz I used to be like it make these lists. And I'm like, it's the same thing. Cuz I couldn't come up with something new. And then when I heard that, and I started, I'm like, oh, that's when someone gives you a nice hug. You just stay there for a minute. Like, don't let him go. Just enjoy. Clothes.
Siobhan:It's always nice to like, hug your loved ones a little longer. All right, well, I think we should probably go do that. Yeah, I think we'll wrap this up for this time. Okay, we'll definitely have you back. Leah. Thank you. You're so interesting, right? And like you have a nice light to you, like that I want to spend more time with and I can't think the same way about you. And I've seen you work with clients because I've seen I know some of your clients. And you're amazing at it. Thank you. Your guidance is to have our friends that you've worked with. Like you can see there. They have a brighter light now.
Leia:Thank you so much. So thank you for that.
Siobhan:All right, y'all will have links in case you need a good life business coach, you can reach out to Leah but other than that, go find your joy and maybe hug your loved ones a little longer today. Alright y'all, bye
