Ducking Realitea

Fireside Chat with Sandy Russell

• Siobhan • Season 2 • Episode 39

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This week on Ducking Realitea, I sit down with my mentor, former boss, and lifelong badass Sandy Russell, someone I talk about all the time for good reason. Sandy is co-owner of Alameda’s beloved Fireside Lounge, a community hub known for live music, trivia, queer-friendly fundraisers, and the iconic “Be Nice or Leave” sign. But Sandy’s impact goes way beyond the bar.

Born on the Santa Monica boardwalk and hustling by age six, Sandy has built a life rooted in grit, generosity, and radical accountability. During the pandemic, while many bars shut down, Sandy stepped up, launching to-go cocktails, building outdoor event spaces, and helping her staff and community survive one of the hardest chapters in recent history.

She’s also a driving force behind West End Arts and the Healing Garden project, a sober bar owner who’s navigated addiction with honesty and humor, and one of the most gracious leaders I know, equal parts “do better” and “get the fuck out if you can’t be kind.”

We talk about her path from foster care to fierce community builder, why doing the right thing matters (even when no one’s watching), and what it means to keep growing when the world tells you to quit. Sandy’s story is a reminder that healing, hard work, and hilarity can—and should—coexist.

So pour yourself a mocktail (or cocktail), and get ready for a real one. Let’s dive in.

Siobhan:

Sandy, Hey y'all, welcome to this week's episode of Ducking reality in the pond with me today is my my friend and mentor and former boss. Sandy Russell, hello, and you probably have heard, if you've been a listener, you've heard about Sandy countless times already, and she is a sponsor of the squirrel girls podcast. So if you haven't checked that out, go check that out. And by sponsor, I mean she just lets us use her name and the bars name, because that's where Anna and I met. That's where I've grown some confidence to be able to do this. I just kind of catch everyone up, because I moved to the islands, actually five years ago this month. Wow, yeah, and a wild ride. It's been but I used to live around the corner from fireside, and it was during the pandemic, so every time I would walk by, it was closed, but I would think I'm gonna, like, I'll probably work there one day when it's open, like, I'd never seen inside of it. And then one day when I was walking by, the patio was there. And Greg, musician, Greg, that's his last name, Greg feeler. Greg feeler was outside, and I was walking by, he's like, Yo, what's up with you? How are you doing today? And I was just like, I'm good. And then, like, a couple of times when I walked by, people were there. So I finally got to go in a little bit during the pandemic, and then get it to go cocktail. And then we met like three or four times in between other

Sandy Russel:

people and more, yeah, it's the one I remember most,

Siobhan:

yeah, yeah. And so then you gave me a job part time so I could meet people and not have to just be alone on the islands.

Sandy Russel:

I mean, I didn't give you a job because of that. I gave you a job because you're awesome, great personality and great bartending experience and and all of that. But I'm glad you met people and got to know the island a little bit. Yeah,

Siobhan:

and it was amazing to get to meet you too, because then I found out of all the things that you do, because you were then still part of WABA, you were part of the West End art community. You were doing things I'd never seen bar owner do before. Like, most bars were shutting down and, like, just firing their staff. And you were coming up with to go cocktails. You put together a part like the outdoor, well, the park was after, right,

Sandy Russel:

the the the healing garden that was created in the parking lot with a venue that came during COVID, yes,

Siobhan:

but even before, like pre, like, during, well, at the start of COVID, you were doing all of these things to help keep your staff and Keep them making money.

Sandy Russel:

Yeah, yeah, it was a really scary time. And, you know, I think my actions were twofold. One, I was scared to death if I was gonna lose everything. And, you know, didn't know what sort of economic relief was on the other end, or anything. And, yeah, strong commitment to my team and and I, I'm not the sort of person that can just sit around and go, Oh, woe is me. What do I do next? So we just kept going, and had to do whatever crazy idea I came up with next. Some of it works, some of it didn't, but it certainly kept us busy and engaged and engaged with the community. And, you know, ever so grateful for all the support that the community did show us.

Siobhan:

So let's we'll get back to the fireside stuff, but tell us a little bit about you, like, where did you come from? How did you get to be such a badass.

Sandy Russel:

Well, let's see. I was born in Southern California and lived there until I was 31 all over Southern California, but I grew up in Los Angeles County, but near Santa Monica beach area, and a good portion of that on the kind of right on the Santa Monica boardwalk, there's apartments there above the businesses and stuff. And I lived there, and actually had my first job on the Santa Monica Boardwalk. I worked in the dime pitch restocking glassware and ashtrays and, you know, collecting all the dimes and giving them back to the carnies. And I'd go get their lunch and and stuff, they'd pay me like five bucks a day. I was six.

Unknown:

That had to be a wild place to grow up. It was fun. It

Sandy Russel:

was fun, you know, got to do things like, you know, the big slide that has to be waxed every day. You know, a bunch of the neighborhood kids, we got to go up there early in the morning and wax the slide for them. And, you know, climb the stairs, write it down. Climb the stairs, write it down, like, over and over and over again. But you know, got to do it for free. Same with like. And, you know, knowing the people that had the merry go merry go round on the Santa Monica Pier that that ran that, you know, they'd let us go in there with when they weren't open, and on our roller skates and hang on to the horse's tail and go around and around and around. Oh my god, which was super fun. And then got to play all the games in the arcades and and the carnival games. So yeah, ride the bumper cars. Yeah, that part was really cool, yeah,

Siobhan:

and you must have just like that just exposes you to so many different types of people and things and jobs and ways of thinking.

Sandy Russel:

Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure, My early childhood was of very modest means. And you know, that was in the 70s. So, you know, kids just kind of ran amok and did what they did. I was a talking about going kid and you know, would meet people and love to help, and I still do. And, you know, offer to help would turn into, you know, making five bucks a day on the weekends, or, you know, getting to do fun stuff, you know, and then later down the road that turned into paper routes and and things like that. So those were my

Unknown:

your hustle has always been strong, yeah? Strong. Hustle early, yeah, I thought

Siobhan:

I was bad working at 14. You were working at six.

Sandy Russel:

Well, I mean, if you call it work, well, yeah, I mean, you were getting paid. So yeah, that's work. Yeah, I was getting paid. I was getting paid five bucks was a lot to a kid. Yeah, yeah.

Siobhan:

So did you go to you lived in Southern California till you were 31 did you go to college in San

Sandy Russel:

in, uh, I attempted to go to college. I

Siobhan:

don't know if we've ever talked about whether or not you went to college. I attempted

Sandy Russel:

to go to college a few times. Yeah, local junior colleges and whatnot. Um, but I moved out of my parents home when I was 17, and you know, it, it's hard to work and pay for life when you don't have a ton of skills. You know, let alone, and a college education and, you know, could have done things differently, but I didn't, yeah, I mean, I also have the attention span of a gnat, so school is a little slow for me, yeah, but, yeah, I am def. I would say I am adequately smart, but I am not an academic, but I can hold my own.

Siobhan:

Yeah, no, I mean to watch you, because now I've seen you like I've worked with you on just worked for you and worked with you on all different aspects. And to watch you, like, run numbers. I'm like, I don't understand how you can do that. You're like, Oh no, this and that and this divides by that. And like, you're doing fast math in your head, like most people can't. You do it faster than most people can use it with a calculator, like, so your intelligence is not anything I would have ever questioned. Yeah, attention span, yes, intelligence,

Sandy Russel:

no, yeah, I don't know. Numbers make sense to me. Sometimes, you know, sometimes I can look at something and it's looks like a foreign language. But, yeah, I don't know. You know, whatever, maybe whatever, my touch of the tism is, there's definitely an ability to recognize patterns in numbers. Yeah,

Siobhan:

so when you weren't, so when you weren't attempting to go to college. What were you doing? What got you ready to do? Everything that you've been doing now?

Sandy Russel:

Wow. So as a teenager, young teenager, I had paper routes, you know, had one, and then I found out I could have three. So, you know, it was, might as well do three, delivering three different papers at one point, and then, you know, went to work for different retail companies. And when I was 17, I was working for a retail company, and was then offered my first management position the day I turned 18. Wow, officially, I was doing this stuff before then, but, and that's kind of where it started, I started managing people and managing numbers, and had a knack for it, and then ended up in the bar industry. So having gone retail to food service, quick service, what have you, and then had a really great opportunity where I learned a lot and found an industry that I loved.

Siobhan:

Yeah, what kind of I mean, you worked at nightclubs in LA for a long time, right? Yeah, huge warehouse size nightclubs

Sandy Russel:

I worked for an incredible nightclub owner named Sandy Sachs, who still owns clubs. She owns a big club, Bourbon pub and parade in New Orleans. I learned a lot watching her and learning from her, and just really enjoyed the industry. And even, even when I left that job and moved up to northern California, something I wanted to do, but I was, you know, when I got here, I was in the quick serve and food industry again for a number of years, until the fireside opportunity came up.

Siobhan:

And then you bought fireside with two of your partners from the Quick food service industry place, right?

Sandy Russel:

Yeah. So two of my really good friends, Bitsy, Eddy and Keely Rogers free, we all worked for Starbucks at one point together. And Keely and I at one point would go and kind of sit in other businesses and talk about, what would we do differently, and how would we change it, and how could we make it better, kind of as a learning activity for us with the desire to do something. We didn't know what, but we wanted to do something. And the fireside opportunity came up. A friend of mine, James had called and said, Hey, fireside for sale. You should buy it, and I'm me, and what army, right? And I just it didn't, didn't get it didn't seem possible. And, God, probably four or six months later, he called again, said, fireside is still for sale. And at that point, Bitsy was leaving Starbucks, and it just kind of lined up her husband at the time, Christopher helped us get into that. And the three of us all really strong operators in our previous work life, right? But you know all the things you didn't know that you didn't know until you know them. So there was a whole bunch of stuff that you don't realize, that corporations take care of that back end, right, that you don't you know, and you just go through the operations they've set up for you. So there's, you know, a huge learning curve there. Yeah, and then at one point, keeley's day job got really big. Keely and I still had our day jobs when we first opened Bitsy, kind of ran day to day operations.

Siobhan:

Well, that's smart that way, like your interests are slightly still diversified, and you have opposite, like, other incomes coming in while you're getting your business off the ground. And, yeah,

Sandy Russel:

and that was necessary, because it was, you know, the the fireside had been closed for the better part of two years. Oh, wow, yeah, people that owned it before us had some personal stuff going on, and so they were not open consistently, and there were some other issues. But, you know, we knew Alameda would be a great spot. Certainly thought the trajectory would be steeper with the development happening out on this part of the island where you live, it took a little longer just to happen, but it's happening, which is great. So we had to get super creative. But Keely Keeley left, I forget what year that was, maybe 2015 and then

Siobhan:

after you bought the bar, you

Sandy Russel:

mean 11, right? And then Keely had a couple kids, her day job got very big and complicated and demanding. And around 2018 Betsy and I were at dinner, and she said, I don't think I want to do this anymore. And you know, I said, Well, let's figure out what you do want to do, because this is what I want to do, right? So let's figure out what you want to do and what it's going to take for you to get there. And now she's traveling all over the world, working with Doctors Without Borders, doing logistics stuff. And I. Are fighting the good fight. And

Siobhan:

I know next time she's in town, I want to talk to her too, because when I found out what she did, I was like, wow. Like, how do you even get into that? Like, going from being a bar owner operator to now running logistics for Doctors Without Borders. Like, how did you transition that? Like, how did you

Sandy Russel:

it's all really good story. Yeah, you definitely, definitely need to talk to Bitsy. Yeah. Keely, too. Keely, he's,

Siobhan:

I don't know what Kelly's day job is.

Sandy Russel:

Keely is a really high level analyst, I think at this point, yeah, she worked in the banking industry for a long time. Now she's in tech. Stuff. Is

Siobhan:

gonna say, I knew she did some kind of tech business, but I wasn't sure what it was. Yeah,

Sandy Russel:

high level analysts and project management kind of things.

Siobhan:

So like, yeah, the three sirens that started fireside are three badasses. So then in 2018 Keeley left and but so when they Bitsy left. Bitsy left. I'm sorry, when were they there? When you started like, so, just to for people that don't know Alameda, like, what was the island like in 2011 was it still kind of deserted on the side of Webster because of the when the Navy pulled out, from what I understand, like so much, shut down.

Sandy Russel:

It was desolate. It definitely was not what it is today. Definitely, businesses were starting to move in. I think kind of the catalyst was West cafe, Monica and Miguel. I think they were kind of the catalyst to what happened. And then big

Siobhan:

shout out to them. Big shout out, thank you for always feeding me and having good coffee. Yeah, absolutely,

Sandy Russel:

absolutely, just talk to them too. Yeah. I think that was the catalyst with, with the kind of revamp of Webster we came in maybe two years later, and 1400 opened a couple months right after us. And then it just, you know, it kept going.

Siobhan:

So, but did you create West End Business Association, or were you just help to elevate

Sandy Russel:

it? WABA has been around for years. Oh, okay, when, excuse me, when I joined WABA. It was because there was some scuttlebutt, and I don't even remember what, but a friend of mine said to me, if you don't like what's happening, then get involved. And I was like, Oh, yeah. I mean, I can sit here and complain, or I can do something about it. So I got involved with WABA, and then, year after I started, I took over as president of the organization. Sandeep had been the president for 15 years, wow. And was just time to move on. It was a different organization then, and seemed like a good idea and an opportunity. I was excited to make a difference and and, you know, help grow the businesses in the neighborhood. I didn't really know anything about it or how that was going to happen, but I really wanted to learn. And you know, I think I was ready to be moving on to something else when COVID happened, and that would have been the wrong time to leave that organization, right?

Siobhan:

Yeah, you helped keep that whole street kind of alive during

Sandy Russel:

that well, there was a, definitely a group of us that put together, we turned the parking lot next to colafia, initially healing garden that during the George Floyd riots that were going on, I got a phone call that said, Hey, we recommend that you board up your business, because there's stuff happening just the other side of the tube, and we don't know what that's going to look like. And that was kind of a call on the down low, I think then said, Okay, so let's do that. My friends that own feathered outlaw, my friends that owned Alameda tattoo, I was like, Hey, we're going to get plywood to board up. Do you want us to board up your businesses too? To Noah,

Siobhan:

who's your audio and agency and events? Yeah, to Noah, we might talk to him in November, once his busy season's over. Yes,

Sandy Russel:

to know who's all things amazing to know was available. Was like, Yeah, you know, I'll board these things up. So we went, got plywood and did that. And then, you know. When that civil unrest was not over, because it's never going to be over, but the when the riots had died down, well even before that, we're like, this looks terrible plywood, like, let's, can we get some art, art done on this? Just just kind of take some of the sting away. You know, businesses were boarded up and dark, and it was just, right.

Siobhan:

So we're already dealing with this terrible thing that's happened in our communities, right? We've already been closed down because of COVID, right? And then it just, and then, I mean, they're, they're marching in the riots. Now, you know, there's different conspiracy theories on some of that, but like, the fact that this had happened was already, like terrible enough, and now we have to look at our businesses like shuttering right, and people being scared of coming out and right? You know, being scared of whether or not your business would be there in the morning was a terrible feeling.

Sandy Russel:

It is. It was even more terrible, though, to sit inside the business that had been boarded up and it's pitch black, yeah, because you've got, you know, sunlight coming in from the windows or anything, which was that that had a profound effect on me, and that was kind of the impetus to, we've got to get some art done on these, on these, on this plywood, right? A number of artists from around the community. Did you know mini murals? Once the plywood came down, we were like, this is now a piece of Alameda history. We gotta do something with this. So in the parking lot next to colafia, we created a healing garden. Or, you know, that's what we envisioned as an outdoor community space that told a story and would hopefully allow people some some way to heal that later turned into the whole Taylor Webster lot becoming an outdoor venue, yes, with a stage and picnic tables and and whatnot, so that community events and outdoor concerts and things like that could be done because we couldn't do anything inside, right, right? So, like, the first year with that, we did local events and to Noah and I tried to put together a few concerts. The organ, the WABA was hugely involved, as to know, and I were both on the board, Marie Ortega, you know, a bunch of folks trying to put these things together, to bring community out together in a way that was safe, right? Which we were able to do

Siobhan:

with the help of Linda Ashbury too. We want to give her a shout out. Since she's already been on the pod, people have already met her with, yeah, Linda, like with Linda,

Sandy Russel:

my favorite partner in crime, yes, when I was president, Linda was the executive director,

Siobhan:

right? Years we were so you two worked hand in hand with

Sandy Russel:

all of that, yeah, yeah. And I love Linda. She's like, my my bonus mom, yes. So, yeah, putting all that together, you know, not just the concerts, but craft markets and you know, organizations were able to gather in a safe way outside to do fundraisers and things like that. The second year, in terms of the concerts, I reached out to my friends at the ivy room. Hey summer and Lonnie, they have a much broader musical reach than the fireside does. We're really small room. They're much bigger than we are, and they've got really great connections in the local music industry and beyond. And we took that on together. So we were able to do outdoor concerts. We did 26 events, 21 concerts that year. That's amazing. Yeah. And they brought some solid Bay area and beyond talent the fireside, kind of operationally put the outdoor bars together, and we were able to serve our community, and they were able to gather in a safe way until everything started to open again. So we were a little bit early. I mean, I think in the in the outdoor ideas that that spurred out of COVID, but you know, that series was called tiny towns because we're both two smaller cities. I know our mayor would correct me and say, We're not a small town, but, you know, as compared to San Francisco or Oakland or Los Angeles, that kind of thing, right? The Ivy room is in Albany, which is a few cities away, north of us, and we're in Alameda, and they're both kind of medium sized

Siobhan:

cities, right, but they both have a small town feel, though,

Sandy Russel:

totally. A totally small town feel. And yeah. So that happened, and then the world opened up again, and we were both able to start doing music and stuff inside again.

Siobhan:

Yeah, and you guys do live music, usually two nights a week, but up to three, right up to

Sandy Russel:

three, sometimes four. So we have an open mic night every Wednesday. We do a jazz jam on the last Monday of the month with Larry noble nice and other Mondays, we have guest DJs. Are

Siobhan:

you still doing comedy on Monday the first Mondays of the month?

Sandy Russel:

We were doing comedy until the comedy club close right before they close.

Siobhan:

I could put you probably into contact with Dan Levy. He's one that he does comedy for the Bunya for us once a month. You do the last Friday of the month. I'd love that. I'd love to have it back on the first Monday of the month or something, because now that we don't have a comedy club like I never get to go see comedy anymore.

Sandy Russel:

I would love to talk to him. All right, yeah, and then, so most Thursdays, we have some live music, and then either Friday or Saturday, either a band or a DJ, sometimes two bands

Siobhan:

Friday. And we can't forget Kirkland on Tuesday with his trivia. Tuesday trivia with Kirkland is handsomest man on island, or most dapper at least.

Sandy Russel:

He definitely is the most dapper. Yes, on the island, and people

Siobhan:

here have met Kirkland too. Yeah, Kirkland was on the podcast when we use one of my first guests. Okay, we keep talking about having him come back, but we haven't coordinated

Sandy Russel:

that yet. Oh yeah, Kirkland's the best. I love him.

Siobhan:

But so in addition to all the stuff you're doing at fireside, keeping it afloat and keeping your employees paid during the pandemic, which I still am always in awe of, like you were doing things like the to go, to go cocktails. You were doing cocktail kits. You were selling merch. You were setting up events outside. You were on Saturday mornings. You were doing, like, makers events so that there was vendors. You were supporting all the local artists and vendors. Here you have WABA going, you're like, sitting out, you're and then where does West End art, like, fall into all of

Sandy Russel:

this. Okay? So, yeah, all of the WABA stuffing. Like, I want to be really clear this, it's a huge group effort,

Siobhan:

but you were still the president of it.

Sandy Russel:

I guess I was. Yeah, I'm not now, right? But West End arts, how did that happen? I don't even remember what year 2013 1415, I don't remember. Heroku Cooper and I started doing an event, blues, bruise and barbecue after the first or second year. Put together a nonprofit around that to help facilitate the growth of that event and somehow giving back to the community to support arts. We really had only used it for the

Siobhan:

blues brews, the blues

Sandy Russel:

Bruce and barbecue, because both business owners and doing different things.

Siobhan:

What? What is Heroku hirokum

Sandy Russel:

Hiroko Cooper. Mike Cooper was the original partner at 1400 Oh, okay with the current owner and in hero is his lovely wife, okay? Hero went on to do some other things. Rachel campos dyvanov, got involved with West End arts with me Marie Ortega, who again, WABA to Noah, who was also WABA in all things, sound, lighting, everything. So that kind of grew. And then Rachel introduced us to a woman named Tara pilbrow, who you know, and Tara started out as a volunteer and started really making moves with Rachel in the arts community, with West End arts as a vehicle, and, you know, they took it and ran with it, and the organization, At a point, was able to start paying Tara, which is fantastic and well deserved, and Rachel and Tara have kind of run with it, and have done so much more than I could have ever dreamed that organization would be. And it's, it's super fun to watch what. Doing what to do next

Siobhan:

It is, yeah, I'm so excited for the in plain sight show in May. That's gonna be amazing. Bum. I won't be here for all of it, but I'm glad I'll be here for some

Sandy Russel:

of it. Good, good. I'll be in Europe.

Siobhan:

But so like, you helped start all of that, and then you kind of find the right people to run it and take it over. Like Has that always been a gift that you've had is spotting talent.

Sandy Russel:

I I have been told by my mentors that my kind of leadership superpower is putting the right people together to accomplish the goal, right? You know, I'm not the smartest one in the room. I'm not, you know, I don't have the strongest skill set in the room, all of those things, but I guess you could say I have the ability to recognize it in others and nothing thrills me more than than people doing awesome things. You know, watching everybody succeed, or watching their ideas grow, or watching their businesses grow. You know this about me, I very much come from a mentality of, if everyone wins, then everyone wins, and that, of course, that includes me, but it isn't, it isn't just about me, right? I don't want to win at the expense of anyone else.

Siobhan:

But where does that come from? Like, where does that kind of selflessness come from? Or that, like, drive for the community as a whole, versus, because, especially right now in the world, like, everyone is so individualistic and like, This is who I am, and this is my label, and this is my group, and this is what I'm going to do for my group. And fuck your group where you're just like, time out, time out. You know that if we could all just be happy, we could all win like, and it would be enough for everyone like, that's it's a different mindset that not a lot of people have. Never mind people that have been in in no shade to them, because it's been where I've lived. Yeah, is, like, in the restaurant bar industry, like, we can get real caddy and real like, Fuck the people on the other side of the bar, you know, and you have still maintained, like, this graciousness and this want to create more community.

Sandy Russel:

I don't, I don't know. I think that's a two fold answer. I think the desire to be in community we know, kind of probably was born out of my early childhood, which was really complicated. I was in foster care until I was or Well, I went into foster care at six, and then was adopted when I was 12. So did a lot of different access to a lot of different types of people in a lot of different situations, and had to adapt. But, you know, I don't know. I think even in my own little kid way, being in gratitude that people were there, you know, to make, you know, make sure I didn't die. You know, it helped me learn and grow and those kinds of things. And then I was very fortunate to be adopted by a family the Russells, and to grow and learn and be taken care of in a different way. And then I think in where I really got the idea of or how much I enjoyed working in the community to make a difference. Was working with Starbucks as a training store manager and a mentor and a coach. They kind of give you additional responsibilities that work with your skill set and your interests. So I got to do a lot of community events for our district group, whether that was Habitat for Humanity or working at the garden with Alameda Community Collaborative, or Alameda point collaborative, Doug Biggs and some and some of the other events that they did there, and just realizing like It felt good to give back to the community And that people appreciated it and it, I kind of, that's where I adopted the the feeling like I, if I can, I should, people did that for me, and it feel, it feels good, you know. And you definitely have to find a balance with it. Uh, with all things, but, yeah, I'm learning to do that.

Siobhan:

Yeah? No. I mean, you're not only learning, but you're setting a good example for us, like

Sandy Russel:

for all of us. Yeah, sometimes, I mean, you've seen me when I used to drink, not a good example.

Siobhan:

Yeah, even then, even, yeah, great point. Like, while you were doing all of this, you are also struggling with alcohol, or, I don't know if, like, struggling doesn't feel like the right word to describe what you like, because you would get, you know, like you are a really high functioning alcoholic, like you're you were functioning at a level. Most people don't function without being an alcoholic until I wasn't, you know, right? But even still, like, I guess, as, like, an outsider, and I know that I don't know how you feel like, but like, as an as an observer and a person that was kind of in it with you sometimes, like, your bottom was high, you know what I mean? Like, I guess that's where I look at it, from growing up with addiction and seeing where most people's bottoms are, oh, it could have been so much worse, yeah? Like you didn't lose all your stuff, you still kept all your shit pretty much together, you know what I mean? And like you were, even when you were kind of in the throes of it, at times, you were like, I know I'm gonna get my shit together. I know, I know. But right now I have to go to bed like you didn't mean, like you were never a nasty, real drunk, like it wasn't that, yeah.

Sandy Russel:

Well, I mean, there were a handful of people that cared enough to stay on my ass, and you were one of them. Yeah, I love you. Not gonna love you too. I love Thank God, you know, I don't know. Yeah, like, like, the reality is, my stop button is broken, right, right? I'm an alcoholic. I'm like, why would anybody just have two drinks? Like, what's the point? And, you know, God the universe, whatever twisted sense of humor to own a bar and then now be sober, and there are a number of us out there sober bar owners, is definitely an occupational hazard if you don't have a stop button. I think that my addiction to alcohol almost cost me everything, and I feel like I've figured that piece out. You know, I don't. I'm so much better sober, so much happier. Some people can do it. I cannot.

Siobhan:

But you also like were what my uncle and I talk about, white knuckling it is that you weren't a meetings person.

Sandy Russel:

Well, truth be told I did go to into the program when I had quit drinking another time. And some things about it, if I'm very valuable, some other things about it freaked me out. And it's not the God stuff, you know, it was just some of the some of the people interactions that I had were not, not how I want to do my sobriety, and I learned a lot from that program. I carry a lot of that with me, but there's some stuff that just didn't work for me, you know? I mean, it's, I think it that that program, and all programs, have merit to them, and they'll work for who they work for. And like, I don't really have anything bad to say, other than there were some things for for me that were traumatic in that space and I needed to not do that,

Siobhan:

right? Well, it's a good I mean, it's a good reminder to people that sometimes, like, just because it works for some people doesn't mean it's gonna work for you. Like, you have to find what works for you and

Sandy Russel:

keep that totally, totally, like some people can, you know, work with, you know, just cutting back, or harm control, or whatever it's called. Some people can cut back. Some people can, you know, just going to drink beer and wine, because that's not my vice, you know, just keep me away from the whiskey, whatever I've tried all of it, right?

Siobhan:

But also, just like that, that eight doesn't work for everyone, yeah? Like, it doesn't work for everyone, yeah? Like, not getting caught in that. Like, well, I have to do it this way, right?

Sandy Russel:

But I'll tell you that having started with it was super helpful for me. Yeah, they have a thing, 90 meetings in 90 days, is the suggestion. And I think that definitely helped. And even though I got sober, stopped being sober, got sober, stop being sober, sober. Now I feel like I. Uh, that 9090, meetings in 90 days showed me I could do it, and that was probably the most important thing, and that it wasn't just me that couldn't handle it, right, right? So,

Siobhan:

yeah, it makes you, does make you feel less alone. And if I'm honest, like, when I've gone to meetings before and I've been like, all right, I don't have it that bad. Like, my shit is not like, my excuses for whatever I'm doing is, like, now then I don't really have an excuse. That person has an excuse. Like, it's almost like a gut check, and not, like, because you should be comparison, but just it gives you a whole different perspective, where you're like, Oh yeah, I'm whining about this, and that guy's like, our person's been unhoused and this and that. And you're just like, All right, so my shits not that bad, like,

Sandy Russel:

you know what? Though it's all relative. I think, I think it's what you what you've experienced and what you lived through, right? Like we talked about, you know, physical pain. We both know that well. And some people think they know, yeah, I always want to put living with that, yeah, you want to punch someone that they think they know what living with that is, is actually like and and they don't. Or they, you know, the worst had it really tough in growing up. Or I, you know, I don't know, bad relationship. Someone told me I didn't get a lollipop when you know someone else was getting the shit beat out. Right? Who knows? It's all, it's all relative to your experience. And I think all of my experience, childhood to now, some of it's been tough, but I think I'm so grateful, yeah, so grateful to have experienced all of it, lived through it, grown from it, and, you know, and becoming a person that I'd want to hang out with, right, Right, like I could have let all that stuff destroy me, or I could have learned from it and grown from it. And I think that takes just not everybody's gonna get personal accountability right, but I think recognizing what my part in situations that didn't go the way that I wanted them to go, recognizing my part in that problem and recognizing that I could not do those things and they would go away rather than being victim to everything. Taking ownership of my responsibility and things made my life so much easier. Did you

Siobhan:

learn that? Where did you learn that from? Though, because

Sandy Russel:

interesting. I I was working at Starbucks. I had a district manager named marca Clark, and I was training, and someone, another manager, had done something or didn't do something they were supposed to do and didn't take responsibility for it. And her comment to me is, you know, things would be so easy if they would just accept responsibility and fix it. And it wasn't even my lesson to learn in that moment, but I recognized myself in the not taking responsibility for what I didn't do. And I was like, Oh yeah, you could have done that. I'm like, oh my god, it's that easy. Yeah, it's that easy,

Siobhan:

but maybe it was also so easy for you to learn, because it wasn't actually your lesson, or it was your lesson, but it was your lesson to see like, outside of yourself, because if it was about you, maybe you wouldn't have learned it. Probably, you know what I mean, you're like, Oh, what an idiot. If you just said, like, oh, yeah, I fucked up here. Sorry. Let me grab that. It would have wiped it. And you were like, Oh, wait, I've been making excuses this whole time, too.

Sandy Russel:

Right? Right? For everything, yeah, everything. And, you know, being able to apply that and and grow that in myself, and realizing how much stuff I didn't take responsibility for, right? So that, that that's a life, a life lesson in progress and, and, you know, I look forward to getting to learn more parts of things that, you know, I don't have to keep screwing up. I can, I can fix those things, do better and keep going right and learn more. I think it's life gets easier and not easy. Let's be clear like it's never gonna be it's never gonna be easy. It just but that piece of it gets easier, you know. And the I think the personal growth is, is is exponential, as you really. Own those lessons. Yeah,

Siobhan:

yeah. Do you ever think that you take too much personal accountability, though, like you think you over correct it? Sometimes,

Sandy Russel:

sure I do, and you are not my first friend or loved one who has pointed that out? Yeah, I definitely take responsibility. I think that I could always have done something different. You know, someone can really do me dirty, and I'm still looking for what I could have done differently to have that not happen, right? And, you know, 2024 was some huge lessons around you know some sometimes caring too much allows you to be taken advantage of. And you know, I have always said to Melissa, my person, I felt like if you threw enough love or money at it, you could fix anything. I learned in 2024 that that is absolutely not true. Yeah, right. But I've also found that I can, I can also love at a distance and wish people well and hope that life gives them the lessons that they need to learn to be better and not hurt, right, right? Because people who are people who are taking advantage of other people are hurting, hurting in some other way. You know what I mean? Well, they don't need to do it. Yeah,

Siobhan:

hurt people. Do it. Hurt people. Hurt people, and then some people, and I don't understand the thought process, but some people are like, well, if I'm miserable, I'm gonna make you miserable too.

Sandy Russel:

Yeah, yeah. I don't know if they feed on that

Siobhan:

terrible energy. That

Sandy Russel:

terrible energy, right? Like we've talked about. You know, Misery loves company, but so does joy, yeah, you know, you put an aquarium together, and you put the little rocks in, and the sea monkeys and stuff, and you do it right? And it grows. You take care of a plant, and it grows. You give something what it needs, and it grows and it flourishes. You know, if you if you kept that plant in a dark room and yelled at it all the time, you know, it's it, you know, why aren't you growing? Fuck you. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, it's it. I don't know where I'm headed with that, but I think we all have the opportunity to be better. Do better, learn. Just do better. People

Siobhan:

do better. Yeah, like, I love the fireside motto is, be nice or leave.

Sandy Russel:

Be nice or leave. Yes, Bitsy brought that in. There is a guy in New Orleans named Dr Bob who paints these signs, and they're all over be nice or leave, right? Yeah. And we have it up above the bar. A guy that Bitsy was dating at one point made that for her. That was kind of His love language, just like his dozen roses, right? And we've kept that up there. And when we repainted the bar, I painted it gold so it would stand out, because it used to be gray, yeah, be nice or leave. And that that's kind of that includes the fireside team and the customer, and our customers, right? Like, there's, I'm not saying there's not a place for, you know, sarcasm and a little bit of shit talk and fun, but, you know, be nice or leave. Yeah, yeah. And I'm kind of at that point in my life with people.

Siobhan:

I It feels good. Yeah, it's helped me get there, too, because I as a trying to recover people pleaser, like in my life, I can be very forgiving and very like, no, no, it's my fault, or like, I should do better, or and then sometimes, and especially, watching people take advantage of you has made me crazy. I mean, that's probably the only thing that we fight about. Is when I'm like, No, do not let them back into this life or your world, or, you know, and I think now, especially after we went through when a couple times I did say to you, like, Listen, your drinking is like, this is a problem, yeah? And like, that was a scary place for me, because I'm like, this could go either way, yeah. Like, at one point I still working for you, and I was just like, I won't work for you. If this is what we're gonna do, like, I'll quit. I'll quit like, and I was like, Do not quit your job, bitch. But also, I felt so strongly about it, and it was to a testament to who you are. I knew like, hey, if, and I if I really care about this person, not just gonna keep watching them crash and burn. I'm gonna keep coming around to try to say things in a way that was like, not try. To make you feel bad about it, but knowing like you're not living the life you want to be living. It's not about what I want for you. It's about what I know you want

Sandy Russel:

because you love me. Yeah, and, you know, you talk you talk about you seeing people's potential. You know, I said that maybe a leadership skill, the one leadership skill I might have that also, you know, I see people's potential so much that, no, you know, you can do this, that I'll take on a lost puppy that has no ability to have any personal accountability or want to change. They're just like, you know, how can I get over right? And I see the potential. That's the lesson in 2024. Was like, you have so much potential, but you're just, you're not going to use it, right, right? You're going to use your powers for evil instead of for good. So you go off and do those things. I Yeah, no more lost puppies like you know, if you want to, if you lack confidence, but you want to be living up to your own potential, I'm in. I want to help. I want to support, right? If you don't see your potential and your that confidence is misplaced, and it's you know, you do the wrong thing because you can, yeah, I don't have time for that anymore.

Siobhan:

I don't either. I think I still have magnet on my friendship says, do the right thing even when no one's looking right. Like, and you have to question, right? And sometimes people like, did you say this? I bet, yep. Like, yeah, that was an asshole thing to say. But I said it like, because I'm always gonna, I mean, I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that I don't still fuck up saying, or, you know, same park where I shouldn't for 10 minutes, everyone's, well, you know what I mean? Like, there's stuff that you stuff that, you know, none of us are perfect, but for the most part, like, I never have to worry about something I've done, because I'm going to do it, whether you're looking or not, I'm going to, and if you ask me, I'll tell you, even if it hurts your feelings, like, probably don't ask me,

Sandy Russel:

right, right? But

Siobhan:

it's that, it's I want to be giving to the community that I'm involved in. I want to be more like people like you that are trying to figure out ways to give back and to be supporting the community and making it a better place, and sharing and spreading joy, as opposed to like I just the last five years. When I think about how far I've come, it's amazing. But then to think back, like, where I was 678, years ago and 10 years ago, I'm like, Holy shit, two different people. Like, I don't even remember what my life was like 10 years ago. Same in a lot of ways. And it's I wasn't doing anything, I wasn't giving to the community in any meaningful way. And it's probably some of the reasons why that part of my life is just now almost forgotten, but also wasn't anything I was proud of,

Sandy Russel:

right? I'll tell you. I mean, it's like, it's not like, you know, you said you're not perfect. I'm not either like, I can think back in and ways that I have treated people or spoken to people that were not kind or generous, and you know, moments where I've been out integrity, and you know, had to face my own harsh realities about those mistakes and things. And you know, again every day, just trying to do better, trying to fix those things and take ownership of them, right? And, you know,

Siobhan:

okay, so you were just that you when you look back 510, years ago,

Sandy Russel:

oh yeah, I, I'm not the same person either. I Ah, let me find that train of thought. I'm not I'm not saying I was perfect in any way. I just think now there are less times, fewer times every day where I'm doing anything that I'm going to regret later. You know, it's and when something does come up, whether it's a thought or you say the wrong thing, or you, you know, whatever, I think that that accountability come piece comes up and goes, that wasn't okay, or that was shitty, then I go back and correct it, you know, now I can even, even more quickly now. Long process. Wow. What? You know, that person just said something. Why am I upset about it? What did they really mean? What? Okay, let me adjust how I'm going to respond to this, right? I don't know. I feel like I've been able to keep my gratitude and wonder about the world, and still learn the lessons and get a little tougher and a little more discerning. You know definitely 2025 has been about discernment, and cultivating the relationships I want to have in my life and not leaving any space for the ones that I don't.

Siobhan:

But do you think you got to kind of this? Enlighten might not be the right word, but I like it so. But do you think you got into this more, like, self assured, enlightened aspect just by that one comment? Or have you been doing like, the other work of like, therapy and reading self help books and like, how have you kind of developed this like radical like, personal accountability and being okay with apologizing or being wrong,

Sandy Russel:

sure, years of therapy, off and on, I think learning to trust people and knowing who you can trust right, like I can talk to you about anything, right? I could tell you my worst, deep, dark secrets, and we could laugh about them, and know, here's the lessons we've learned from it, right? You know what I mean? I I totally lost my train of thought again, what were we talking about? Squirrel?

Siobhan:

Oh, sorry, that's a different podcast. Yeah, the what we were talking about how you got to be so kind of okay with being wrong, or, you know, being very accountable, like your self accountability is great, and like you, like, you just said you can get there faster to apologize or correct the situation or realize you're taking things in a way that's probably not meant to be, right? I was just wondering, like, how did you get to that point? Because, you know, like, I want to be there, and I'm not sure I always am, and I get super insecure sometimes if I've made a mistake about like, that's now connected to my worth and like it's still stuff that I struggle with. I

Sandy Russel:

am learning, and I'm haven't mastered it. Don't know if I ever will, but learning that what other people think doesn't matter to doesn't doesn't make who I am, right, how I respond to the people that I care about and care about their opinions and suggestions and input and and whatever that matters, how I respond to that and how I feel about my own place and things. People talk shit all the time, about me, about you, about everything, right? That's all noise now, you know, and some of it, and this was something. I was on the phone with a doctor the other day, and I realized that what they were just explaining something to me, and my listening was, Oh, here they go again, right? And I caught myself saying that and going, ooh, how much of my own chatter do I put into what someone else says? Oh, right, yeah. So I just, I like, I had to, I took a step back for a second and just listen to her. And it was a lovely conversation. I feel like I found the right doctor and and, you know, I felt heard, I felt like we have a proactive solution, or proactive path forward to better health. And I'm actually excited to go meet her in person on Thursday, but that was a big aha moment for me. Was recognizing I was feeling some kind of way, yeah, and all she was doing was explaining something to me, and I caught myself in that moment, was like, Ooh, that was totally me. I just had one

Unknown:

of those moments too the other day. Yeah, it was, it was exciting. You. It was exciting. I just came back

Siobhan:

in and I was like, I think I've just been hurting my own feelings all day. And my friend looked at me and they were like, what? I was like, you know, I was just sitting here, kind of like, in my head completely. And she's like, Yeah, because a couple times I was like, I just am in my head. I just need to stop like, and she's like, what's the matter? I'm like, I don't know. And I like, walked back in and I was like, I'm just hurting my own feelings. I was like, I have this whole storyline in my head about this issue that is not true. Like, I don't know any of the if that's true, but like, in my head, I've now convinced myself that this person hates me and doesn't want to talk to me and is, like, avoiding me, yes. And they were like, Why do you think I was like, I don't know. Apparently, the little gremlin that lives in my head is fucking on it today, right? I'm like, and they just, I was like, I've been sitting here all afternoon with hurt feelings about something that didn't even

Sandy Russel:

happen, right? And we all do, we all do that. I can't say we all do that. No, I've

Siobhan:

heard some people don't I've heard some people do not have that problem. They just get up in the morning and they're happy and they're just, there's no inside voice that tells them they're a terrible, shitty person. I don't believe that, but that's true.

Sandy Russel:

Bless their hearts, right? I like yourself, right? No, I love, I love that for

Siobhan:

them, I do too. I'm astonished. It's like some people don't have anxiety. You never get nervous,

Sandy Russel:

right? Right, right? Yeah, I don't understand that I would aspire to. Yes, but yeah, I am vehemently aware that much of the torture I have put myself through, or continue to put myself through, is self induced. Yes, nobody's thinking about how I feel as much as I'm thinking about how I feel about a situation, because they're all thinking about how they feel Yes, and what they want and how they want a situation to look. You know, when stuff comes together, you're all on the same plane and timeline and it works. And sometimes you're, you know, we're, we're all in our own little reality, and getting out of it sometimes is hard, harder for some people than others.

Siobhan:

Yeah, that's what part of why I want to keep having conversations like this, is to like, talk to people that I that have inspired me, that I aspire to kind of be like and not I don't want to be you, but I want to be my version of you. I want to be you're way cuter than me. You're way richer than I am. So you know, no,

Sandy Russel:

same, same,

Siobhan:

Yeah, but you're poor because you're starting new businesses, you're investing in things, you're growing your company. I

Sandy Russel:

also make stupid decisions sometimes, and you know, retail therapy is a thing.

Siobhan:

I'm so glad we can't shop on Amazon anymore.

Sandy Russel:

Trying to get better about all of this,

Siobhan:

it's hard. It's hard to want to do everything right for our communities and be convenient for ourselves. It's hard to, like, give up some of the conveniences because it's going to help in the long run for me, at least, like, I want to just Kohl's is right or not, Kohl's target is right there. But like, if you don't want to be not an asshole, then I can't go there, you know. Like, right? You know, like, I don't want to give my money to people that are doing terrible things in the world, right? But it's harder and harder to discern who's the good people, who's the bad people, because when you look at it and it goes all up to the same, like, eight people that own everything,

Sandy Russel:

right, right? So that comes back to shop, local, shop, small, right? It's hard because it's cert it's certainly not as convenient. And why these companies have succeeded is because we've become such a convenience based society. But I think assessing what one what do we really need? Things are more expensive, and for the foreseeable future are going to get more expensive. I think locals, farmers market, support them, right? Support the farmers market. It's not, you know, you're supporting something local, but you know you're also getting a better quality product that you know hasn't been messed with is fresher and right? You know you're supporting local farmer Yeah. Yeah. I think looking at, I don't know, maybe this is the big universal lesson right now, is looking at what we need and not as much about what we want. We all want a lot of things, but I think important what we need and who do Who do you want to be in the world? I think

Siobhan:

that's one of the biggest questions, is, who do you want to be in the world, or what do you want to put out in the world, right? Like, you know, who do you want to be and what do you want to leave? Kind of, I don't really believe too much in, like, it was probably a shitty thing to say, but, like, a legacy, like, I. I don't think you should live your whole life to leave one legacy, yeah, because it, it doesn't last. You know, your legacy doesn't last more than what do they say? Like, three generations or maybe two, right? Like, do you know your great grandfather's name, right? Don't you know? Like, there's not that legacy that people sometimes start striving for is like, well, you could have done all that good while you were alive. Like, you could have used some of that energy to, like, make differences today in the people's lives. Instead of, I'm gonna do all this for myself, and then I'll leave this charity a bunch of money when I'm dead. Like, I think it's shifting that Right,

Sandy Russel:

right? I think, yeah, I don't know. I think people focused more on what is essential and what matters to them, which may not be the same as what matters to me. I think people could live in community better. You find your tribe, you find your people. And that's becoming more and more evident, I think to a lot of us, who our tribe is and what purposes we align with. I think it's important say everything just needs to be simplified.

Siobhan:

And what right now in your life are you focusing on growing because you've given West End over to a new regime. You and Linda both have moved on to other projects. Tara and Rachel have West End arts. Yeah, you know. So you still have fireside, but what are you? What's the future for fireside? What's the future for you? Wow.

Sandy Russel:

Well, I'm now spending about half my time in Grass Valley. I share a house with my dear friends, and going back and forth has been good. It allows me to clear my head and rest my body, which was, is definitely a necessity, and I can come back to Alameda and be more focused and hit the ground running get more done. My fireside is growing in that out of COVID and doing outdoor events and stuff, grown a whole side of the business that where we do off site events. So now I do a bunch of events on the Hornet as their preferred bar services vendor, the USS Hornet, right here in Alameda. And super excited that we'll be doing the mosswood meltdown this year in Oakland. That's amazing. And so excited to be working with that team, Mark and Parker and the whole mosswood team. Super excited. I was fortunate to be given the gift of a guy named Maddie mesner Who has a ton of experience with music festivals and things like what we're doing. So he's been able to teach us a lot. We've been able to combine some experience and catering background, along with his festival background, and I think we've got really dynamite formula for making this work. So we're excited about that, and there's some other things coming, but, you know, too soon to talk about All right,

Siobhan:

well, I would talk to you all day, and I probably will, because we're going to dinner. Yeah, I know I need to give you off to carry for a couple hours of work. So thank you so much for sitting down with us, for telling us about how to find some of our own accountability, how to figure out how to be better in the world and to build community.

Sandy Russel:

You're welcome. Do they need to know that this is the third time we've recorded

Siobhan:

we can share that, Sandy is because you're humble, like almost to a fault, and I like that about you, and I see that myself in that about you, because I can be very humble and very Don't look at me. It's not about me, it's about this. It's about that. And we both have to get better at being like, oh yeah. We also are the bad asses, and like, you are an inspiration to so many people on this island. Like you have created a safe space for so many people on this island. You do events and fundraisers for school, for the LGBTQ community, for the softball teams, for you know what I mean? Like your care to the community isn't for one tribe, one group, it's for the whole community. And it's you try to create spaces that all of those different tribes and communities and and groups can come to together and share and enjoy the things that overlap in those things. You know, fireside is that their only thing is be nice, or your or yours. You know, however it got there Bitsy and, you know, I. It's that's the overarching golden rule. And I think it's kind of, you know, amazing that it's painted in sparkling gold that says, Be nice to leave, because that's all that matters. We don't care who, who you sleep with, how you look. If you're polite, you're welcome in. If you're not, get the fuck out. Like it's the people that come there know that about you, know that about your staff, and they feel comfortable coming, yeah,

Sandy Russel:

and I think that's also the personal lesson that we, you know, we're saying there's, there's a whole bunch of people who are like, fireside, Sandy, whatever. They don't have to like me, right? But be nice or leave my world Right, right? And, and I'm gonna be nice in yours. And if that works great, right? If it doesn't, you know, yeah, I'll leave. You can leave, right? You know, I, you know, we both know a bunch of people that, yay, want to hang out with you, or yay, I don't, yeah, i i Those aren't people I want to hang out with either. You

Siobhan:

know, it's a good reminder too, that like you don't have not everything is for everyone, and not everyone has to like everyone. You should respect and be courteous. For sure. Don't need to, you don't need to be in love with everybody, or want to be everywhere everyone

Sandy Russel:

else is absolutely, absolutely, and I'll just keep doing my best to do right by myself and by others. And you know, honor and love the people that I love the most. Well

Siobhan:

I honor and love you. Yay, same. Thank you all for listening. If you're in Alameda, come check out Fireside Lounge at 1453 Webster Street in Alameda, California, Fireside Lounge, Alameda on the webs or fireside

Sandy Russel:

at at fireside Alameda is, is our Instagram, our website is the fireside lounge.com. And you can reach me at Sandy at the fireside lounge.com.

Siobhan:

Perfect. Yeah. Any bands want to come book through Sandy, let us know. All right, y'all, I love you too, and go find some joy today. You.

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Siobhan Kelly

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