Don’t Die, Punk, Pain, and Pouring Drinks with Steve Lofgren

Steve “Stevie” Lofgren might technically be “just” a bartender, but this conversation makes it clear he’s also a philosopher in a leather jacket, the kind you meet at 1am who accidentally helps you rethink your whole life. Siobhan and Stevie trace their friendship from late-night bar hangs to 4am world-saving sessions, then dive headfirst into his wild, unfiltered Oakland upbringing.

Growing up in 70s/80s Oakland as one of the only white kids on the block, Stevie learned early that neighborhood codes mattered more than police, respect kept you safe, and you absolutely did not mess with your neighbors. He shares stories of hippie parents, beaded doorways, and a household where mom’s boyfriend lived with dad, until the bombshell moment when his parents moved out while he was still in high school, leaving him and his brother the house, a hundred bucks on the fridge, and zero supervision. Cue legendary parties, punk bands, early acting gigs, and a lifetime of DIY survival skills.

From there, the conversation moves through grief and loss, friends dying too young, cancer ripping through people they love, and how both of them learned to live with grief instead of being swallowed by it. They talk chronic pain, burnout, “non-people days,” bartending as performance art, and why neighborhood bars might be one of the last real classrooms for learning how to be a good human in public.

It’s messy, funny, tender, and deeply honest,  an ode to chosen family, dark humor, and choosing joy without pretending the darkness isn’t there.